Northwestern to Start 2012 Academic Year in 2013
GOP Nominates Meryl Streep For President
WASHINGTON D.C. – After witnessing her powerful portrayal of UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, the Republican Party has announced the nomination of Meryl Streep for candidacy for President of the United States. Predictions show that the lovely and talented Streep will pull ahead in the next primary, using her track record of Academy Awards and Golden Globes as an indication of her popularity with the masses and her ability to achieve. Many GOP politicians are shifting
Chinese Students Fail to Recognize Chinese-New-Year-Themed Food
EVANSTON â In the spirit of celebrating diversity at Northwestern, the dining halls prepared a themed dinner in honor of Chinese New Year. There was a large variety of Chinese food to choose from, including Beef Lo Mein, Chicken Lo Mein, Shrimp Lo Mein and Pork Lo Mein. The dĂ©cor of the cafeteria also stayed true to the Chinese culture with fake firecrackers hanging from the ceilings and lots of gold trim. However, these efforts went unnoticed by the university’s
Evanston Community Bemoans the End of Bemoaning TKOE
EVANSTON – The slew of Facebook posts, video homages, and other means of gratuitous whimpers regarding the recent revoking of the liquor license of beloved local bar ‘The Keg of Evanston’ has slowly wound down, much to to the dismay of patrons of the bar. Collectively, the complaints about Mayor Tisdahl’s decision to revoke The Keg’s liquor license, which have lasted nearly 3 months, have become an event in and of themselves that has overshadowed the actual closing of the
Evanston Mayor Tisdahl to Close Keg, Frats, Reinstate Prohibition
EVANSTON â Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl announced Monday that she is permanently closing local iconic bar, The Keg of Evanston, due to repeated charges of underage drinking. Tisdahl explained, âWhen an establishment breaks the law, it must be warned, and then punished. When it continues to break the law, it must be shut down.â The announcement did not come as a surprise to Evanston residents, as Mayor Tisdahl has previously supported efforts to enforce Evanstonâs âbrothel lawâ and denied a
Mayor Tisdahl to Shut Down Northwestern Keg: Musings of a Drunk Medill Student
Somebody pass me a goddamn rum and coke.
BREAKING: Mayor Tisdahl Received Campaign Donation from Ghost of Francis Willard
Flipside Exclusive! EVANSTON – Reports indicate that Mayor Tisdahl has received a large sum of campaign donations from the ghost of renowned prohibitionist Francis Willard over the past few years. Leaked internal documents shows that Willard, lobbying on behalf of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, has provided thousands of dollars for Tisdahl’s campaign. Tisdahl has denied that her rigid stance against drinking, brothels and happiness was influenced by the donations. “I have always fought hard for the peace and safety
SOPA Uproar Leads Area Man to Discover Internet for First Time
A special editorial from area man Bob McCulloghy So this past Sunday night, I was flipping through the most recent issue of Life Magazine, watching some good oleâ public broadcast television â and I heard about this SOPA thing. Barbara Calhoun was reporting that if SOPA happened, this thing called âThe Internetâ would start getting regulated by the government. Now Iâm not normally one to judge the government â theyâve never done anything to me. Every day, I wake up
Lake Michigan Milk Spill Dubbed ‘Most Unexpected Disaster in History’ by President Obama
MILWAUKEE â In response to the milk spill that covered the western rim of Lake Michigan with a layer of milk fat, President Obama visited the shores of Milwaukee to encourage the thousands of volunteers helping in the cleanup effort. The spilled milk has since spread over a large area, reaching as far as Western Michigan and the north shores of Chicago. Images of flocks of geese covered in milk fat have gathered attention from the press and garnered criticism
Northwestern Opens New Study Abroad Program in Plex