We engineers never have any need to go to south campus, but in case you accidentally find yourself there, here are some descriptions to help you get a lay of the land and get back north as fast as possible. Kresge – The Tech of south campus. When south campus people say that they get lost in Tech, pretend they said Kresge and you will understand their pain. Main Library – An inferior version of Tech Library. From an architectural
EVANSTON – Starting this year, any student who wants to go to the Lakefill for Dillo Day must show ID proving that they are Northwestern students, that they are 19 years of age or older, or they must be accompanied by an adult guest. Here are some of the heretofore overlooked ramifications of the ID policy. The Good: *No longer any need to ask that awkward do you even go here question *Big Boi can use his big boy words
WASHINGTON – President Obama has stated that his views on same sex marriage are “evolving,” culminating in an interview where he announced his support for the practice. The scientific community has since been abuzz looking for theories as to why this transformation occurred. The first main camp contains the gradual evolutionists. Evolutionary Biologist William Smith summarized this position, saying, “Obama has had a long political career and has gradually adapted to a changing environment via natural selection.” He added, “Those
“We apologize in particular for misrepresenting the nation of Bangladesh. We missed out on a veritable gold mine of Muslim stereotypes, and it will not happen again,” wrote the event coordinators.
The “I Agree With Markwell” campaign has taken the Northwestern campus by storm. Here is a detailed breakdown of its pros and cons: The Good -It’s something to talk about instead of the bad weather. -If you agree hard enough you get a free indulgence. -Hipsters who are trying to be ironic and contrarian against the backlash to his campaign agree. -Nary a soul has been lost on this campaign because they asked for directions, unlike that stubborn Moses. -The
EVANSTON – Sex Week is not going as smoothly as organizers would have hoped due to an unforeseen lube shortage. The drought has the College Feminists, the group behind Sex Week, scrambling to whet the appetite of an increasingly chafed and throbbing crowd. According to event patron Tyler Carter, “Everything was going just swimmingly until the pool of KY Jelly suddenly ran empty. But now my energy is gone and I just can’t keep my enthusiasm up for the speaker
BUMFART, AL – Bill Smith had to double-take when he heard that Trayvon Martin was an African American. “I didn’t know he was black!” said the shocked Smith. “This completely blew me away,” he added. “Whenever the media reports a child’s murder, that child is always white. I did see that the black community was clamoring for justice, but I just thought they were especially touched by this white child’s agony.” The stunning revelation brought with it a whole new
EVANSTON – Last week, police were stunned at what they found at a Northwestern fraternity house when they happened upon a bag of marijuana and two pieces of drug paraphernalia. Police entered the house when a “faulty” smoke detector went off. When asked about the situation Chief of Police Bill Carter said, he was “perplexed” by it all. He added, “It was just a normal day, I wrote the date, April 20th, in my ledger like any other. I did