Category Archives: No. 82
Goose Near Hinman Poops One Too Many Times
Ski Team “Sorry We Got Caught”
“We apologize in particular for misrepresenting the nation of Bangladesh. We missed out on a veritable gold mine of Muslim stereotypes, and it will not happen again,” wrote the event coordinators.
Prospie Turns Out to be Asshole, Admission Revoked
“He insisted on going to as many frat parties as he could, and even suggested starting a Racist Beer Olympics in my dorm,” said the prospie’s overnight host, John Altman.
Student Playing Games in Class Has Clearly Mastered the Material
University Announces that Racism Actually Down by a Whole Five Incidents
Most Awkward Moment in History Occurs When Student Diversity Leader Walks in on Racist Olympics
“It is simply quite astounding,” said Dr. David Howard of Harvard’s Awkward Sciences program. “The awkward blast from the sudden confrontation of a diversity leader walking in on a bunch of elitist white people making fun of everything he stands for was just over 9.75 Michaelcerawatts.”
Area Textbook Slightly Water Damaged in Spill
Pages 177-362 were damaged near the top of the book, and page 176 was splashed slightly. After drying, the textbook is expected to make a full recovery, though its pages will never lie perfectly flat again.