Deloitte Boycotts A&O Fake Consultant
“First responders claimed that members of Deloitte allegedly assaulted some pro-Fielder members as they attempted to enter the venue.”
Author Archives: Brian Capella
Commencement Speech Moved to a Weeknight at 12:35/11:35c
“After selecting Meyers as the 2016 commencement speaker, we aimed to create a truly authentic and comfortable atmosphere for everyone’s favorite engaging persona.”
Trevor Siemian Shakes Keys at Panthers
Reports from the sidelines at Levi’s Stadium confirm that during the opening kickoff for Sunday’s Super Bowl 50, Trevor Siemian could be seen shaking his keys at the North Carolina Panthers fan base.
Elizabeth Tisdahl and Donald Trump: A Comparison
This is a comparison of the viewpoints of Trump and Tisdahl on important national and regional issues.
Paraplegic Daughter Suffers from Limb Envy
Limb envy often occurs when a child is missing control over their legs or lower body, whether due to a birth defect or accident.
Governor Rauner Warms Hands by Fire of Burning Quran
“These Qurans sure burn hot and fast.”
Morty: New Athletic Facility Matters
Sources out of Morty’s office report that he has placed the new athletic facility at the top of his list of priorities, right above talking to rich white people who have a lot of money.
Morty Frantically Invites All Minorities to Dinner Party
“It’s a completely normal thing I do every year, that I should do every year.”
Area Orphan Not Really Looking Forward to Family Weekend
Multiple sources are reporting that area orphan Nelly Pager, WCAS ’19, is allegedly not terribly excited about the extensive programming Northwestern has planned for its annual Family Weekend.
STUDY: 100% of Statisticians are Awesome
“The results of this study were exactly what we expected.”