Northwestern Fight Song to Become Enlightened Disagreement Song
he overall runtime has been extended to 47 minutes, owing in large part to the inclusion of a full-length video course on bystander intervention training.
Author Archives: Melinda Chang
Jesus Announces That No One Qualified for Rapture
In a revelation that has scandalized American evangelicals and other communities suffering from elevated rates of neurosis, Jesus Christ announced in a Xweet that the long-awaited Second Coming indeed took place midday Tuesday.
Op-Ed: I Can’t Laugh at a Joke Unless It’s Accompanied by an Article That Reiterates the Joke in Less Funny Terms for 200 Words
The title says it all.
Will Smith Slapped Chris Rock?????
Erm… did that just happen? I genuinely can’t believe that just happened. I’ve been watching the Oscars livestream on Internet Explorer, so it’s been buffering a little bit. It’s just really crazy that he would opt to do such a thing live on television, and on the biggest night in Hollywood no less… Millions of Americans were watching. Chris Rock could have been seriously hurt or even killed. Oh my God, we need to do something about this. How am
Tostitos Announces New “Hint of Chips” Lime
“We’re always striving for better here,” explains a Tostitos representative. “Everyone’s been telling us for years that we struck gold with those chips, and we figured what people were looking for next was a lime experience really uninterrupted by the strong notes of chip that defined our previous products.”
If We Want to Save America, We’ll Have to Put on the Best Talent Show That This Town’s Ever Seen
RACHEL BERRY: Freezing federal funds? Pardoning rioters? Detention center in Guantanamo? Donald Trump has gone too far this time.
Op-Ed: I Wish I Were a Woman So My Voice Could Be Less Influential
She can say absolutely anything and we will be none the wiser, because no one listens to women.
From the Archives: Clocking into My Shift at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory on March 25, 1911! I Have a Loving Family and Am Hopeful for the Future
I have about ten minutes before my shift starts, and I want to take this moment to be grateful for all that I have now. My husband Hugh Mann has given me so many blessings, foremost among them my lovely home-birthed children. On occasion he even allows me to utter words in public and wear pants.
From the Archives: “Goo Goo Ga Ga,” Says Barack Obama, 1
We aren’t sure why, but we sat down with an infant by the name of Barack Hussein Obama II to talk all things economics, healthcare, and political reform.
Op-Ed: Sorry That You’re a Former Gifted Child. I’m Still Gifted and Now Also Beautiful.
The difference is for me it’s still true, and I’m extremely popular and good-looking as well.