Author Archives: Mike Mallazzo

Giants Win World Series, San Francisco Too Blazed to Give a Shit

SAN FRANCISCO—When Brian Wilson recorded the final out of San Francisco’s Game 5 victory over the Walker Texas Rangers, the entire city was thrown into euphoria. The celebration, however, was not a result of the Giants winning the World Series for the first time since the Fifties. More importantly, the day marked 44 years and three weeks since the Beach Boys released “Good Vibrations.” “It’s a well-known fact that the Beach Boys and Mary Jane is a more American combination

Area Man Somehow Fails to Get Laid Dressed as Bill Clinton at Halloween Party

EVANSTON—Donning a fresh new suit, an American flag pin, and a Bill Clinton mask, McCormick sophomore Shane Feinberg strolled out of Allison Hall a confident man Saturday night.  He was 0 for 13 so far in his Northwestern flirting career, but there was no doubt in his mind that Saturday would be the night a female would rendezvous with his slick Willie. For that night he was not Shane Feinberg, the awkward Jewish kid whose greatest scores had come on calculus