Morty Never Signed Off on Dillo Day Headliner’s Contract, Thought it Was a Petition
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Sadistic Mayfest Exec Board Tortures Students, Announces Headliner Saturday Night
EVANSTON — In an effort to sadistically torture Northwestern students, Mayfest decided to announce that Wu-Tang Clan is headlining Dillo Day only seconds before the iconic rap group took the stage on Saturday. The decision was made in part because the concert organizing board has a really sick and twisted desire to play with the hearts and minds of both music enthusiasts and borderline alcoholics alike, not to mention the entirety of ETHS and cool moms everywhere. “Creating a really
Reminder: Your Student Group Only Got $20 This Quarter So Mayfest Could Bring Lunice to Campus
NU RHA Cancels Dillo Day Headliner after Failing to Get 1000 Facebook Likes
SESP Junior to Lose Hope for Humanity after Attending Dillo Day Sober
THE LAKEFILL — At approximately 3:37 PM, June 1 2013, SESP Junior Michelle Cunningham will lose all hope for humanity after making the tragic mistake of attending a Dillo Day performance completely sober. Without the ignorant bliss afforded by alcohol-impaired facilities, Cunningham will be able to accurately perceive the Hieronymus Bosch-styled carnival of nightmares that we affectionately refer to as “Mayfest.” As recently as her 21st birthday celebration last month, Cunningham, who hopes to one day teach middle school English,
Something About Diversity is Probably Happening
Smart Dillo PSA Advises, “It’s a Sprint, Not a Marathon”
EVANSTON — The Smart Dillo campaign has released their latest public service announcement just in time for Dillo Day. In their newest PSA, “It’s a Sprint, Not a Marathon,” the safety-awareness student group reminds everyone that the goal of Dillo Day is to not be a pussy and take things slow, but rather to get drunk as quickly as possible. “It’s a Sprint, Not a Marathon” features an animated talking armadillo voiced by PSA veteran Rebel Alley. In her cutest
Back agin bitjes, DILLOOO
Editor’s note: This article was written by an actual drunk student, and, as such, has been left completely unedited. itss been too long since we’ve published a drink article, (auto-correct) dillo day for reals, typing on my phone. More later. Aaaand some chick is throwing up in the byshes pre 11am. Classsss. Some lady just asked me of I could see her flask. I couldn’t. We’re friends now. I forgot to tell you Chet haze grabbed my friends butt true story bro. Gah
Rumor: Dillo Day Strongly Considering Having a Headliner This Year
SPAC Pool Renovation Misconstrued as Another Flood