University Announces that Racism Actually Down by a Whole Five Incidents
Category Archives: Archives
Most Awkward Moment in History Occurs When Student Diversity Leader Walks in on Racist Olympics
“It is simply quite astounding,” said Dr. David Howard of Harvard’s Awkward Sciences program. “The awkward blast from the sudden confrontation of a diversity leader walking in on a bunch of elitist white people making fun of everything he stands for was just over 9.75 Michaelcerawatts.”
Area Textbook Slightly Water Damaged in Spill
Pages 177-362 were damaged near the top of the book, and page 176 was splashed slightly. After drying, the textbook is expected to make a full recovery, though its pages will never lie perfectly flat again.
Morty Getting Good Use Out of ‘WTF NU’ Email Template
SAE Relieved that Racist Olympics Overshadows Their Fuckup
White House Correspondents’ Dinner Features a Record 8 Jokes
Gingrich to Drop Out of Race Next Week, Drop 10 Pounds Next Decade
The Good and The Bad: Markwell Edition
The “I Agree With Markwell” campaign has taken the Northwestern campus by storm. Here is a detailed breakdown of its pros and cons: The Good -It’s something to talk about instead of the bad weather. -If you agree hard enough you get a free indulgence. -Hipsters who are trying to be ironic and contrarian against the backlash to his campaign agree. -Nary a soul has been lost on this campaign because they asked for directions, unlike that stubborn Moses. -The
Republicans Use Tupac Hologram Technology to Bring Back Reagan
WASHINGTON – After seeing the Star Wars-like hologram of the late rapper Tupac Shakur at Coachella, Republicans were so enticed by the technology that they decided to purchase their own hologram projector. Republicans are using their new machine in the GOP National Office to project Ronald Regan 24/7. Since last Monday, hologram Reagan has been repeating the phrases “Cut Taxes”, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”, and “Trickle-down economics is good economics!” When asked why the GOP made the purchase,
National AEPi Shuts Down Local Chapter for Salami and Cheese Hazing