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Category Archives: Business

Netflix Runs Out of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle on 4/20

April 17, 2009 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

LOS GATOS, CA—Users of the popular DVD distribution service Netflix were up in arms on Monday after the company ran out of copies of the popular comedy “Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle,” a film popular with stoners all over the globe. “Like, dude,” area Netflix user Ben Mellon told The Flipside, “not seeing “Harold and Kumar” on 4/20 totally messes with my chi. That one scene where they get the White Castle burgers is sweeeeet.” Netflix spokesman Adam

Vending Machines Stocked In Preparation of 4/20

April 17, 2009 Andrew Gresik Leave a comment

EVANSTON—With April 20th looming, as every year, just on the heels of April 19, vending machines across the country are being restocked and fortified against the impending onslaught of stoners who “could really go for some Ho-Hos right now.” In dorm buildings and break rooms everywhere, vending machine companies are seeking to prepare themselves for the sudden demand for their services that occurs every year on Hitler’s birthday, knowing full well that insufficient preparation could lead to disaster. It is

Eco-Friendly Proudcts Increase Guilt-Free Littering

April 11, 2009 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

MCHENRY, IL—Cecil Daniels used to be neurotic about littering. He has admitted to keeping trash bags in his Toyota Prius to pick up and throw away garbage on the street. Since childhood, Daniels said, he was aware of the effects of littering, an attitude created by a public service announcement. That has since changed. “These ‘eco’ products are amazing, they’ve totally changed my life,” Daniels told The Flipside. “Now, I just toss my used 5th generation brand paper plates out

Obama Fires GM Car Salesman for not Having Right Make, Model

April 3, 2009 Anant Shah Leave a comment

WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama has used a very hands on approach to try to revive the economy. He has, as promised in his campaign, attempted to remove agencies or institutions which are not operating efficiently or effectively. Last week, Obama forced General Motors C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to resign, citing that GM’s troubles were largely Wagoner’s fault. Obama’s control over GM did not stop with just its C.E.O. Obama’s changes in office have been as specific as selecting new cars for his

Acquisition of 3 Hole Punch Triples Intern’s Productivity

February 27, 2009 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

WHEELING, IL—Bernardo Johnson, intern of Midland Paper, was honored today for the Intern of the Year Award. Johnson, a 39-year-old graduate of the University of North Dakota, has been working for Midland for 14 years. This is the first award for Bernardo, as his recent purchase of a Swingline 3-Hole punch has allowed for the company’s stock status reports to be processed three times faster. An over joyous Johnson told The Flipside, “Maybe they’ll finally hire me. I haven’t paid

Laid Off Workers Not Doing Enough to Help Economy

February 14, 2009 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

WASHINGTON—With the DOW closing just above 7,850 on Friday, economists are predicting that the worst has yet to come. A mortgage crisis, depreciation of the dollar, and a failed economic policy by the Bush administration are largely to blame for tough economic conditions. With companies forced to cut down on spending, laying off workers was inevitable. Unemployment has reached its highest rate in years, 7.6%, that according to the United States Department of Labor. Spokesman for the Department of Labor,