Northwestern Student Already Has Pretty Good Idea When to Schedule Fall Mental Breakdown
âItâll fit perfectly in between these two weeks of straight midterms and the next Friday, when I have 6 papers due.â
Category Archives: Local
Bobb Students Discover âThrow-Up Holesâ Actually Called Sinks
Freshmen were shocked to find out these conveniently located containers werenât designed for their puking needs.
Freshman Theater Major Scoped Out Only Love Interest Who Can Stand Him
âIf sheâll stick around for Frozen, sheâll stick around for anything. Sheâs a keeper.â
CAPS Hands Out âA+â Stickers to Dejected High School Valedictorians
“We at CAPS strive to affirm the appallingly fragile, extrinsically-fixed self-worth of our former best and brightest.”
Fraternity Brother Already Has Pretty Good Idea Who Wonât Come Forward at Least 35 Years From Now
“Sometimes, itâs important for philanthropists that people keep quiet about their good deeds,” Neill told reporters after completing a keg stand.
Idiot Freshman Can’t Find Building
âI guess itâs early and Iâm still finding my way around,â White said, as if that were actually a thing.
Freshman Sends When2meet to Parents for Parents Weekend
“Iâm in college now and have so much more responsibility. Itâs just more efficient this way.”
Prayers Go Out to Sorority Sister after Dad Doesn’t Fill her Bank Account in Time for Bar Crawl
A candlelight vigil is scheduled for this Wednesday to commemorate the tragedy.
NU Freshman Complains of âHurricane of Homework,â Retracts Statement
âI actually do know some people in Florida, so I get why that sounds offensive.â
Rest of Clubs Fair Horrified by Mathletesâ âSlave Leiaâ Recruiting Tactic
The presence of Slave Leia led to more interest in their organization than ever before, with over 400 signups to their listserv and 75 phone numbers given directly to “Leia.”