Point/Counterpoint: Should Evanston Have a Skatepark?
ETHS student Patrick Thornby argues, “No, this isn’t a good idea for such a first-class model community,” while retired musician Paul Hamilton says, “Hell yeah! Let’s do it!”
Category Archives: Articles
Slopestyle Course Cited with Safety Concerns
Critics pointed to multiple rings of fire, swinging buzz-saws, and jumps over pits of hungry piranhas as proof that some elements of the course were marginally too dangerous.
Americans Smugly Note US Still Better Than Russia
“It’s just amazing that the Russians still can’t get the easy things right,” said Jim Kelley, a Denver Broncos fan who spent three hours stuck in Secaucus Junction following the conclusion of the Super Bowl.
Opinion: Don’t Deport Justin Bieber, Canada Still Has Hope
Keep the issue contained and save the Canadian youth. It’s too late for our own.
Rowling Pens Final Installment: Harry Potter and the Custody Feud
And you thought “all was well” meant happily ever after.
A Modest Proposal (for the Heating of the Evanston Area)
Guest columnist Jonathan Swift proposes a simple and effective solution to Chicago winters: student bonfires.
Flipside Previews the Sochi Opening Ceremony
The Flipside presents a list of what to expect from the ceremony, brought to you by a reporter who managed to get an illegal live stream of the ceremony.
Local Shuttle Regrets Leaving You Behind
“It pained me to leave that student behind. The expression on his face as I drove away is frozen into my mind. I see it every time I close my eyes. I can’t sleep at night. I’m a failure,” said the shuttle.
Sochi Olympics Debuts New “Extreme” Winter Sports
President Putin has graciously permitted athletes to wear flame-retardant clothing, but notes that only pussies will do so.
God Denies Ever Creating Ken Ham
“The Bible says I said ‘let there be light,’ not ‘let there be Ken Ham,’” God wrote in a brief statement to the press.