Fever-Induced Chills A Problem No Longer: Trump Declares Global Warming As Medicinal Substitute For Tylenol
With a Big Mac in one hand, and a concept of a plan in the other, the President got to work
Category Archives: No. 405
Trump Announces the Release of the EpiPen Files after RFK Jr. Announces that Food Allergies Cause Autism
Yesterday, the EpiPen files were released, concluding an RFK Jr.-ordered investigation that determined food allergies to be the root cause of autism.
Ask Flippy: if my professor shits himself during class, should I address it or shit harder in solidarity?
I noticed that my professor’s–excuse my French–derriere had grown exponentially in size. His butt, like an atomic bomb, absolutely mushroomed and I was wondering why.
I Thought My “Severing” Procedure Would Help With My Work/Life Balance, Instead They Just Cut My Balls Off!
Now I admit, I was a little off-put when I saw the large number of cats and dogs in the waiting room, but I figured he was just an animal lover, not that he was about to divorce my thing-1-and-thing-2 from the rest of my body with the same clinical precision of a Civil War amputation doctor.
Weinberg Student Mumbles “No More Mr. Nice Guy” While Eyeing Empty Bottle Of Antidepressants
Weinberg freshman Richard Lärgen has run out of his prescription of Lexapro, a common antidepressant, and was seen mumbling to himself in the mirror “no more Mr. Nice Guy” while attempting to brush his teeth.
Op-Ed: Sometimes You Have to Stand Up For What You Believe In and That’s Why I’m Chaining Myself to the Evanston Chili’s
Do you think I chose Northwestern for the academics, the extracurriculars, or the community? No! I chose it for the Evanston Chili’s.