Tag Archives: Chet Haze

Proposed Changes to Norris “Totally Make Sense”

EVANSTON — Even with a $150 million major renovation in the works, smaller recent changes to Norris University Center have already been called “totally practical” and are universally enjoyed by the student body. “The new purple walls just make my day that much better when the Norbucks line goes out the door,” said Weinberg sophomore Cassie Weeks. “Plus, the new couches by the entrance will be a great place to lounge around during all of that free time I totally

The Flipside Would Like to Apologize

For the first time in its storied existence, The Onion has issued an apology for its content. Many were outraged when “America’s Finest News Source” targeted 9-year-old Best Actress nominee Quvenzhané Wallis with a tasteless expletive, forcing Onion, Inc. CEO Steve Hannah to post a contrite note of regret on his site’s front page. After thorough discussion amongst The Flipside’s executive board and preferred astrologists, we have come to the decision that it is in our best interests for The

Evanston Police Create New Brothel-lizer

EVANSTON – Keeping with the historically progressive nature of the Evanston government, the police department issued a new technique to limit public unrest: the brothel-lizer. The brothel-lizer is an oblong white tube inserted anally to check for brothel residue. “I might not be a proctologist,” said deputy chief Victor Rudo, “but working at the police department has given me plenty of experience fucking kids up the ass.” “Metaphorically,” he added. Evanston officials are considering the addition of a volunteer brothel-lizing

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