Tag Archives: weather

Students Excited for Winter Misery

EVANSTON—Registration for Winter Quarter begins this week at Northwestern, and students are absolutely thrilled. “I hate all my classes!” joyfully exclaimed Weinberg freshman D.J. Grunthel. “I’m tired of them and ready for new classes that I will learn to hate!” Upperclassmen concur that classes never get any better. “I’ve had my share of quarters here,” said Medill junior Sarah Shamara. “I can’t remember enjoying any of them. But I am super psyched for a change in my classes! There certainly

Chicago Weather God: “I’m Just Fucking With You”

CHICAGO—For you, I made it seventy degrees. Now you can wear that new skirt you’ve been waiting to show off since, oh, late August. I mean, seriously, that low cut is really cute and everyone is looking at you, babe. What’s that you say an hour later? It’s raining and fifty? My bad. I can’t help but make it rain on them slightly flirtatious but ultimately shy NU girls. If it makes you feel better, I’ll throw in a little hail tonight.

Freezing Cold Weather Returns; Environmentalists Rejoice

EVANSTON—Members of the Northwestern University student organization Coalition Against Climate Change announced today that they were “satisfied” to see the return of wintry weather. “We are pleased and happy to report that the cold weather is back,” said senior Mike Daly, president of the Coalition. “You guys don’t understand how freaked out we were last week.” Daly is referring to the flash of warmth Evanston experienced last week, when high temperatures reached mid-40s. “Seriously, we were freaking out about global

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