NU’s Most Diverse Class Ever Expected to Be Very Different from Last Year’s

EVANSTON – Northwestern administration will proudly present NU’s most diverse class ever at the President’s Convocation, held in the same places as last year’s, to conclude Wildcat Welcome Week 2012. Administrators say that at any moment they could take a picture of the new class and put it in an information book to send to prospective students. The class has students from more countries than were in the Olympics and dozens of people who barely speak English.

Each geographically and ethnically diverse class member of 2016 marched under the arch, looking to bring their unique composition to campus.

“I’m really hoping to be on DM exec,” said Alec Miller, an RTVF freshman from a small Midwest state, “but I already signed up for a bunch of other clubs. I can’t wait to get all those emails. I definitely know what I’m getting myself into.”

“And look at all these free t-shirts I’ve gotten,” Miller added.

The class is also diverse in interests, Northwestern administrators say.

Take Danielle Weinberger, a Weinberg freshman from Long Island. Danielle has never worn much purple before, but she’s willing to give it a try. In fact, she’s already found herself forging her own unique path.

“I never really thought about being in a sorority,” Weinberger said. “But after two days, I’ve already met some really nice girls in a completely organic way. It’s totally changed my preconceptions.”

The most diverse class ever will definitely not be like last year’s class. Their first football home game will not be when the seasons is already one third of the way through, they won’t get lost in tech and then tell all their new-found dorm friends—whom they will still be talking to winter quarter—about it over lunch at Sargent, and they won’t discover that Edzo’s truffle fries are even greater than getting laid.

And with their higher middle 50 percent of ACT and SAT scores, they surely will be smarter than last year’s class and not get their hopes up that the basketball team will make the tournament and they will not join a fraternity that gets dislodged before pledgeship ends and they won’t have a couple classmates that think biking while talking on your cell phone and drinking coffee is a cool thing to do that’s also totally respectful of everyone else on Sheridan road who are just trying to get to the same classes that everyone else has taken all these years before them.

“The seniors last year were a special class,” said Burgell Howard, Dean of some new position. “But this group of freshmen is even more special.”

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