It can’t be covid-conscious, lesbian, and accept meal exchanges. After all, you can’t have your solo poly hijabi amputee and eat it too.  

Last Ditch, a mask-mandate enforcing lesbian bar from western Massachusetts, is set to replace Luna’s Pub and Grill in Norris this December. Happy Holidays, Wildcats.  

Last Ditch has been the subject of much online attention and, more recently, backlash. 

The bar was run upon the principles of being a safe, accessible place for both LGBTQ+ and immunocompromised clientele. After falling on financially hard times, the bar decided to lift its KN95 mask mandate on Saturday nights, sparking outrage among patrons: “I hope your venue gets firebombed for robbing my fellow immunocompromised people of their Saturday plans just to scrape extra revenue from ableists.” 

Unable to “vibe with” the ostracism, two of Last Ditch’s founders fled the venture— with one reportedly enrolling in clown college— leaving Jackie Matellian, the remaining owner, to pick up the pieces of their once-great empire. 

“I was looking at new business ventures and practicing calming breathing exercises to get through it; I wasn’t sure what else to do.” said Matellian, “Until we found Norris University Center, that was.” 

Last Ditch will replace Luna’s Pub and Grill as another overpriced option serving students who are comfortable spending half their quarterly dining dollars for one meal. Last Ditch offers more than just food, though—it offers an experience. In addition to safe-sex vending machines, Last Ditch is part of Northwestern’s goal to help students have safe sexual experiences– or, as they repeatedly told the Freshmen, “good fucking sex.” 

So look out for this winter, Wildcats! Bring an immunocompromised gay friend down to Norris, or hell, bring two! Just don’t pass up this new restaurant coming to a Northwestern University near you.