“Anyone throwing tonight?” asks real student, not Evanston police officer
As is known nationwide, Northwestern is famous for its lively and off-the-rails party scene.
Category Archives: No. 438
Center for Enlightened Disagreement Defuses FlyDubai Hijacking
An altercation on a FlyDubai flight from Dubai to Tel Aviv threatened to bring the plane down if not for the intervention of a representative from Northwestern’s Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement. The Center’s assistant director, Ned Kumbaya, says he was en-route to Tel Aviv to “sort out all that stuff” when he heard sounds of a fight coming from the cockpit. “I rushed to the front of the plane when I heard some disagreement that didn’t seem very enlightened,”
Deshaun Watson Links Recent Browns Success to Philanthropy Efforts
Following the Cleveland Browns 3-1 start to the 2026 NFL season, their best start since 2021 and the first time the team has been in sole control of first the lead in the AFC North since 2014, quarterback Deshaun Watson attributed the team’s success to their attempts to give back to the community. “I’m a big believer in karma,” Watson remarked following the team’s 27-24 victory over their AFC North rival in the Pittsburgh Steelers. “I truly believe that all
Covid-conscious Lesbian Bar Set to Open in Norris Soon; Does not Accept Meal Exchanges
Last Ditch will replace Luna’s Pub and Grill as another overpriced option serving students who are comfortable spending half their quarterly dining dollars for one meal. Last Ditch offers more than just food, though—it offers an experience. In addition to safe-sex vending machines, Last Ditch is part of Northwestern’s goal to help students have safe sexual experiences– or, as they repeatedly told the Freshmen, “good fucking sex.”Â
Grandma Asks for the Fiftieth time what Grok is and why it Keeps Showing Her Porn.Â
Johnson tried to help his grandma turn off the porn function of the chatbot, but as he walked through the steps with his aging family member, she kept receiving an error message, claiming that “Elon Musk forbids this action.”Â