This Halloween, the value of 8-year-old Marvin Schmidt’s assets exploded. While he didn’t receive a lifetime supply of treats, he certainly scored the treat of a lifetime. Upon receiving an exclusive invitation to the White House’s annual trick-or-treating event, the Schmidt family suspected a sacred moment of the President’s time was in the cards when they received a flake of dead skin from Donald Trump’s hand. 

To prepare for a life-changing handclasp and holiday card front-pager, Marvin’s parents invested his trade school savings into a new camera and his retirement savings into a custom-designed Trump Tower costume. The scent of the first lady’s perfume on Marvin’s antenna spire would not be the only personal memento he took back with him. Since Marvin’s haul consisted primarily of souvenir blades of South Lawn grass, it wasn’t difficult to spot the strange yellow crisp attached to a snack-size Twizzler.  

It was Marvin’s older brother, Steve, who realized its potential implications, promptly snatching the mysterious crust out of his brother’s hand before it could be traded for a Hershey.  

“When I didn’t see Mr. Trump’s face on it, or even a follow up email, I was pretty disappointed,” explained Steve. Upon further inspection, however, he realized it was something only slightly less valuable than a ticket to tour an under-construction ballroom.  

Since the discovery went public, dozens of skin lesions resembling orange peels have been posted to eBay, priced as high as $1000 a scale. Nonetheless, Marvin’s family insists they still hold the original: framed right on their living room mantel, alongside a picture of their deceased family dog and HomeGoods Last Supper painting.