Hey everyone. Is this tour a snooze fest or what? Who cares about the number of libraries, we’re all just here to party. Am I right guys? Who am I kidding? Of course I’m right! I even let my daughter have a party last weekend because she told me she hated me! Hey Stace, how fugly is that girl’s handbag? (I call my daughter Stace because, let’s face it, you can’t call your bestie Stacey #ew.) Anyways, I heard there
LEVERKUSEN, GERMANY — Citing huge untapped markets in the lucrative “Human Rights Abuses” subfield of their R&D division, pharmaceutical giant Bayer announced today that it would resume production of Cyanide-based gas Zyklon B, 57 years after former chairman Fritz ter Meer was convicted of slavery and mass murder charges for his collaboration with Nazi officials. Company spokesman Jonas Trumbauer delivered the news to investors as part of the company’s quarterly financial call: “Recent developments in Syria and North Korea have
With finals approaching, it is best to be prepared for all the students you will encounter when you return to the library for the first time since your last round of finals. The Flipside has therefore prepared a guide to dealing with the diverse students who frequent Mudd Library. The Ninja: He scowls when you breathe too loudly. He is furious when you crinkle your granola bar wrapper. He will death stare you for typing too loudly. This is his
“BJ…lol.”
ABBOTTABAD, PAKISTAN — The world was stunned last week when the Pakistani government announced its plans to fund a $30 million amusement park in the small military town where Osama Bin Laden was killed. Yesterday, the Pakistani Department of the Interior released more details about the park, including the park’s main attractions, which are printed below: Osama’s Fun Compound – Combining elements of both carnival fun houses and Halloween haunted houses, visitors will be able to explore a reconstructed version
