Jonas Direction Splits Up again to Form Miley and Sons
But that still doesn’t change the fact that no one cares.
Category Archives: Archives
Congress Refuses to Compromise between Parties
Bars in the District of Columbia have been filled with congressmen all month, and private parties are held almost daily.
NU Student from Ohio Exiled for Rooting for Northwestern
“I just can’t believe she could ever think any school was better than THE Ohio State University,” her former best friend said. “Just because she goes to that school doesn’t mean she can actually want them to be successful.”
Mayor Tisdahl Cancels A&O Blowout for Fear of “Group Love”
Singer You’ve Never Heard of Writes Open Letter to Singer You Don’t Care About
“I never meant to start a war…”
President Schapiro Announces Reelection Campaign
Schapiro warned that the campaign would not be easy. “There are certain to be challengers funded by special interest groups and a capella musicians, if you can call that ‘music.’ There are certain to be vicious ads taped to the sidewalk which will remain long after the campaign is done.”
Career Porn: How Eminem Makes My Head Spin
There are careers that make you say “oh baby” and “that’s” it and “right there” and “yes yes yessss,” careers that make you reconsider the ethics of cloning and make you sympathize with all perpetrators of identity theft.
Science Invents Self-Assembling Robots; Going to Kill You
“Yeah, we’re really sorry about those Terminator movies.”
Lisa Myers, WCAS ’16, Launches Class Action Lawsuit against Lisa’s Café on Behalf of All NU Lisas
Chicago Freshman “Really Doesn’t Care” His Parents Aren’t Coming to Family Weekend
Layne cited the fact that they never came to any of his little league games or his piano recitals either as reasons why he is “totally chill with my parents skipping out on Family Weekend.”