ASG Shuts Down in Show of Solidarity; Campus Appreciably Improves
Category Archives: Archives
Government Shuts Down, Requires Human Sacrifice
“At… At first I thought that we could just throw some illegals its way and everything would be fine, but then I realized that it only wanted Americans,” stammered House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA).
Houston Astros Clinch Impressively Mediocre Season
“You’ve got to remember how far we’ve come since last year,” added rookie shortstop Jonathan Villar. “Almost the entire batting order has made contact at least once this season.”
Ted Cruz Reads to Congress Favorite and Only Book He’s Ever Read
All Packages Now Get Delivered to Plex for Completely Rational Reasons
“We saw this as a no-brainer,” said Goldenberg. “There’s a big divide between North and South campus, and we thought that having everyone… get their packages at the same place would create some good old-fashioned campus unity.”
Northwestern University in Qatar to Close Evanston, Chicago Campuses
“We’re going to have to build a good team if we want to stand a chance against our rival, Texas A&M University at Qatar,” said Football Coach Pat Fitzgerald.
University Plans to Renovate Long Field, Make It Longer
Congress Gridlock Actually Due To Groundhog Day Time Loop
“I feel like we’re always talking about the debt ceiling and budget,” said Rep. Larry Bucshon (R-Indiana). “Is anyone else getting major déjà vu here?”
Man Copes with Breaking Bad’s Ending by Constructing Meth Lab in Basement
The lab will be opened to the public every Sunday night to other fans unwilling to accept that their favorite show ended on its own terms without inevitably becoming awful.
Remembering a Legend