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[Future Issue: 2161] Chicago Cubs Win 75th Consecutive World Series
THE MOON – Baseball’s most successful franchise won its seventy-fifth straight title (and seventy-seventh overall) last week, defeating the Galactic League champion Boron VI Green Stockings of the Luciferin Galaxy. This year’s Series was played on Earth’s moon for only the fifth time after the Moon League won the All-Galaxy Game in a dramatic 4-3 nail biter. It was Starlin Castro IV who hit the go-ahead 1,091 foot homerun in reduced gravity to give the Cubs the 2161 title. The
[Future Issue: 2161] Sports Week in Review: NBA Lockout Almost Over, Favre Contemplating Return
Media analysts say that even if the league makes its return this winter, it will have a tough time competing with major-market sports like hover-NASCAR.
[Future Issue: 2161] America Still Doesn’t Use Metric System
[Future Issue: 2161] “Sup, Brah” Hits Theatres
EVANSTON – After much anticipation, a new historical documentary entitled “Sup, Brah” directed by esteemed archeologist Dr. Thelonious Unk finally hit theaters last night to the delight of viewers worldwide. The documentary premiered at Cinemark Century Theaters. This was the first movie to be played there since the great nuclear conflict of 2086. An estimated 1.5 million people attended the premiere to further learn about the once-great civilization of the “Bros”. The film began with footage from a historical investigation
[Future Issue: 2161] After Endless Struggle, Canadians Conquer World
[Future Issue: 2161] Evidence of Life Discovered in Mexico
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Scientists have observed the presence of single-celled organisms in Mexico, inviting speculation that the arid wasteland may have sustained life at some point in the past, and could possibly be colonized in the future. Scientists were quick to caution against unbridled enthusiasm, noting that while thermal imaging has identified possible sources of water just under the surface, probe results have indicated that the soil is an estimated 40% benzoylmethylecgonine (cocaine) and 30% concentrated lead. The new discovery
[Future Issue: 2161] National Debt Reaches Heretofore-Unnamed Numbers; Congress Gridlocked Over Nomenclature
[Future Issue: 2161] Lord ╒╤╤╧▲▪▫◙ Orders Earthlings to Stop Masturbating So Much
[Future Issue: 2161] “The Simpsons” Renewed for Two More Years