We All Need to Do Our Part to Save the Ocean By Dr. Floyd M.F. Jenkins British Petroleum, more commonly known as BP, caused a terrible accident this month when their oil rig malfunctioned and began leaking. This is a new breed of oil spill — while earlier incidents (such as the Exxon-Valdez disaster) had a finite quantity of pollutant that was confined to the contents of a tanker, here the oil supply is basically limitless. This leak, which has
HOLLYWOOD—NBC executives announced today the launch of a brand new drama which will debut next fall. It’s called 24: Lost and will focus on a protagonist, Shepherd Bauer who tries to prevent terrorist attacks on a strange island. According to producers, the drama will feature numerous twists and turns which will shock the audience like nothing they have ever seen before. The Flipside has obtained a leaked script for an episode from the first season which surely serves as an
PHOENIX—Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (R) announced this week that the state would be building a Fence of Liberty to greet all those crossing over the border from Mexico. The new structure will be covered in copper, with armed guard towers aloft every 100 yards. On the US side, the fence will read July IV MDCCLXXVI, commemorating the Declaration of Independence, while on the Mexican side it will read April XXIII MMX, commemorating the passage of Arizona Senate Bill 1070, the
EVANSTON—In what is being called the worst wave of viral attacks in recent years, Northwestern’s Laptop ER service was plunged into frantic technical support overtime as dozens of—mostly male—students brought in their computers after a crippling wave of pornographic entertainment. Although often considered harmless, the sex came with a price: viruses, worms, and predatory infections, often causing their victims to seize up—or stop functioning altogether. “We’ve seen this kind of thing before, but never this bad,” said ER Specialist Derek
EVANSTON—Due to a dearth of athletic achievement at Northwestern, the University has decided to hang a banner in honor of retiring Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. Justice Stevens attended Northwestern Law School before making it all the way to the Supreme Court. The banner will feature the number of cases he participated in below his last name. One of the more famous cases he presided over was Row v. Wade, in which he ruled that women have the right