“I knew that I had to go out with one last humdinger.”
Category Archives: No. 259
“I thought, ‘No, that’s not possible. I thought we were done with this. Why is he back? For God’s sake, why is he back?’”
The international community has been bewildered, with multiple UN representatives expressing disbelief over the historically peaceful Middle-Eastern nation suddenly cracking down on freedom of the press.
“The anonymous donor was unsatisfied with the public response to the name change, and for some reason was demanding that Pope Francis declare Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner to be the Antichrist.”
“I understand that this is the nature of election season in these increasingly digital times, there are also lines that should not under any circumstances be crossed.”
As the app gains popularity, officials hope students will be inspired by their personalized jerseys and may one day wear them as they sit through an entire game.
“As time went on, the constant drunkenness and mild-homoeroticism really made me feel comfortable.”
At most there were a few sharp inhales, but that was as close to laughter as Schapiro got.