Category Archives: Year 2

NBC Unveils New Drama, 24: Lost

HOLLYWOOD—NBC executives announced today the launch of a brand new drama which will debut next fall. It’s called 24: Lost and will focus on a protagonist, Shepherd Bauer who tries to prevent terrorist attacks on a strange island. According to producers, the drama will feature numerous twists and turns which will shock the audience like nothing they have ever seen before. The Flipside has obtained a leaked script for an episode from the first season which surely serves as an

Arizona to Build Fence of Liberty

PHOENIX—Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (R) announced this week that the state would be building a Fence of Liberty to greet all those crossing over the border from Mexico. The new structure will be covered in copper, with armed guard towers aloft every 100 yards. On the US side, the fence will read July IV MDCCLXXVI, commemorating the Declaration of Independence, while on the Mexican side it will read April XXIII MMX, commemorating the passage of Arizona Senate Bill 1070, the

Porn Wave Forces Laptop ER Into Triage

EVANSTON—In what is being called the worst wave of viral attacks in recent years, Northwestern’s Laptop ER service was plunged into frantic technical support overtime as dozens of—mostly male—students brought in their computers after a crippling wave of pornographic entertainment. Although often considered harmless, the sex came with a price: viruses, worms, and predatory infections, often causing their victims to seize up—or stop functioning altogether. “We’ve seen this kind of thing before, but never this bad,” said ER Specialist Derek

Northwestern to Retire John Paul Stevens’ Number

EVANSTON—Due to a dearth of athletic achievement at Northwestern, the University has decided to hang a banner in honor of retiring Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. Justice Stevens attended Northwestern Law School before making it all the way to the Supreme Court. The banner will feature the number of cases he participated in below his last name. One of the more famous cases he presided over was Row v. Wade, in which he ruled that women have the right

Econ Major Learning About Prisoner’s Dilemma Again

EVANSTON—Katherine Eisner, a Weinberg economics major, was dismayed to hear that she would be once again learning about the famous Prisoner’s Dilemma in her game theory class. “Great,” sighed an exasperated Eisner, “just great. I don’t think it stuck the first 12 times I learned it, but 13th time’s the charm, right?” “The Prisoner’s Dilemma is a fundamental and central example in the field of game theory,” explained Joan Docter, Eisner’s professor, “and it is impossible to proceed without first

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