Fever-Induced Chills A Problem No Longer: Trump Declares Global Warming As Medicinal Substitute For TylenolĀ Ā
With a Big Mac in one hand, and a concept of a plan in the other, the President got to work
Category Archives: Featured
āThatās just the slippery slope fallacy,ā says 2nd monkey jumping on the bed before falling off and bumping his head
āWhat happened to the first monkey jumping on the bed, while tragic, is in no way indicative of any wider trend. As long as we avoid his recklessness and stay away from the edge of the bed, I see no way that we can suffer a similar fate.ā That quote was from Allen, the second monkey jumping on the bed, after his good friend, Sam, another monkey, had fallen off and bumped his head. Sam was diagnosed with a second-degree
Trump Announces the Release of the EpiPen Files after RFK Jr. Announces that Food Allergies Cause Autism
Yesterday, the EpiPen files were released, concluding an RFK Jr.-ordered investigation that determined food allergies to be the root cause of autism.
Breaking: Girl finds out that the rapture has nothing to do with velociraptors “I thought it was, like, the same thing?”ļæ¼
A Northwestern student woke up on September 23rd expecting to find a dinosaur in her dorm room, ready to end her time on the mortal plane.
Days After Charlie Kirk’s Assassination, Old Tweets Attacking the Star-Not-On-Belly Sneetches Resurface
āIf I ever see a star-not-on-belly Sneetch making pancakes, Iām going to be like āboy, I hope I donāt get food poisoning from these pancakes,ā
Ask Flippy: Cargo Pants Beep Beep, Traingo Pants Choo Choo, Boatgo Pants Though?Ā
Dearest Flippy, It was clear since I got my first pair of cargo pants that cargo beep beep–possibly even vroom vroom, depending on the engine. Traingo pants, naturally, go choo choo. It should be noted, however, that choo choo is only a part of the traingo pants. Traingo pants also chugga chugga, which often precedes the aforementioned choo choo. Boatpants, however, remain a trickier quandary to wrestle with. Boat does not go vroom or choo. Although I should note the
From the future: Wow this concrete is so beautiful, I can’t even believe there used to be a lake here!
I assumed Northwestern had always been situated between the lands of northern Chicago and the Great Concrete Basin, so I was surprised to learn about this history.
Hey BBG, Just Went To A Train convention And It Reminded Me How Much I Miss You
I been thinking about what did us in. I was wrong to ask if youād be cool getting a train run on you by me and my homiesāI know that now. Iām sorry, girl. It shoulda just been me and youāhead and caboose.I been thinking about what did us in. I was wrong to ask if youād be cool getting a train run on you by me and my homiesāI know that now. Iām sorry, girl. It shoulda just been me and youāhead and caboose.
Flippyās Guide to Safe Drinking at the Train ConventionĀ
Listen up, Wildcats: after my experiences at Dillo Day, I know that if this campus is known for one thing and one thing only, itās tolerance. But if itās known for two things, the second is finding an excuse to day drink, and as a bear who must answer letters from yāall, Iām a bit experienced when it comes to whistling my blues into a bottle of Jack Danielās.
Touch-Starved Man Half Heartedly Resists As Aliens Probe His Body
Noos, who teared up and wistfully looked up at the sky while recounting his experience, said that although he was first nervous when he woke up to see the fellas surrounding him in his bedroom, as soon as they placed their hands on him, he couldnāt bring himself to resist.