Category Archives: Featured

Diddy laments with cellmate Maduro: “my oil also got snatched”

In what legal experts are calling an “unlikely but thematically coherent” meeting of disgraced music mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs and former Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro were overheard commiserating with over the loss of their respective oil reserves. According to sources familiar with the matter, the two men—now housed in the same federal detention facility—bonded over what Combs described as “the experience of watching something viscous, valuable, and deeply personal get taken from you by forces you don’t respect.” “For him,

Black Friday abolished after DEI takedown, renamed to Aryan Friday

Just a few days before Black Friday, the best holiday of consumerist America, President Donald Trump released some shocking news at an impromptu address to the nation. “Why should those people have an entire Friday to themselves? The best day of the week shouldn’t be used to promote certain agendas.” The president commented, “We need a new name for it. One that celebrates the true essence of this nation and what we stand for. One that promotes OUR agenda.” Stores

Trump to start nuclear testing on animals “Like How Sephora does it”

President Donald Trump, calm and measured as always, announced plans to resume nuclear testing last Thursday while at a trade meeting in South Korea. Trump claimed the measure was in response to increased Russian aggression from recent (non-nuclear) missile tests and (actually nuclear) comments from Russian president Putin comparing Trump to an earwax-covered q-tip. Independent agencies have raised alarms over safety and diplomatic concerns from potential testing, but the public and the professionals are both ignoring the most dangerous part

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