Local | Northwestern Flipside

Category Archives: Local

NU Students “Just Have Too Much Going on Right Now” to Riot

April 26, 2013 Flippy Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Northwestern students took to the streets on Thursday after hearing that “Dillo Day,” a cherished drinking and musical school tradition, had been canceled by the City of Evanston. Evanston officials cited the celebration’s notorious reputation for “buffoonery, hooliganism, and excessive levels of smiling,” and added that “New Brunswick had done basically the same thing at Rutgers,” and they certainly weren’t “going to let New Jersey be more civilized.” “OMG Evanston cancelled Dillo?!? Let’s riot! #tisdahlsucks #takebackdillo” tweeted Weinberg

Comm Majors Pass Art Class, Flipside Obtains Syllabus to Find Out How

April 23, 2013 Katie Prentiss Leave a comment

Reports indicate that Communications majors are passing art classes with ease. The Northwestern Flipside has obtained a copy of a typical art department class syllabus to investigate how on earth this could possibly occur. The syllabus has been reprinted verbatim below. Week 1: Discuss our favorite feelings, textures. Be prepared to explain the last time you cried. Homework: Spend 30 minutes exploring your heart, and then spend 30 minutes drawing mindlessly. Week 2: History of famous artists. You are allowed

ASG Candidates Blame Loss on Poor Weather, Low Turnout

April 19, 2013 Brian Lee Leave a comment

EVANSTON — According to inside sources, ASG presidential candidates were disappointed that poor election day weather led to low voter turnout. Candidate Aaron Zelikovich has claimed that cold weather, accompanied by snow flurries, half-frozen rain, and “good ol’ fashioned Midwestern hail,” deterred many who would have otherwise gone out and voted for him. Similarly, political strategists for David Harris and Jo Lee were adamant that had the weather been better, voter turnout amongst seniors, who traditionally support candidates with their

Class of 2017 Holds Most Diverse Group of White People in NU History

April 18, 2013 Dean Meisel Leave a comment

“This is truly a remarkable feat by our admissions office, and I couldn’t be prouder of the group we assembled,” said Christopher Watson, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions. “We have new students hailing from the suburbs of Miami, New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago.”

Point/Counterpoint: “Should I Raise Tuition?”

April 17, 2013 Brian Earl Leave a comment

Guest contributor Morton Owen Schapiro argues that yes, raising tuition is an unfortunate necessity in today’s economic climate, while Morty Schapiro counters that HELL YES, have you SEEN the prices for these FUCKING FLOWERS?!?

Model UN Shows High School Students What the Real UN Is Like

April 15, 2013 Min Lee Leave a comment

EVANSTON — This weekend, several high school students from the Midwest arrived at Northwestern University to hold mock United Nations meetings and discuss global issues. “We hoped to give these students a better understanding of the powers and responsibilities of the UN,” said Northwestern Model UN’s President, Andrew Tyson. Tyson added that it was a rousing success. However, some students were upset by weekend’s proceedings. “We couldn’t get anything resolved,” commented Frank Wu, a student delegate from Deerfield. “I never

Northwestern Hosts First Waitlist Wildcat Days

April 13, 2013 Sam Block Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Hundreds of waitlisted students stood outside Norris University Center on Monday, peering through the windows to catch glimpses of the Wildcat Days Activities Fair and other information sessions. Suddenly, Justin Star, a New Trier senior, felt a tap on his shoulder. “Justin Stein wasn’t impressed by the food at Hinman and isn’t going here,” an Admissions Officer told him. “So you’re in.” Star rushed inside Norris. Not all waitlisted students were as lucky as Star. For most, they

Read more Local, No. 106

Prospective Student Surprised She Can See Chicago from Northwest Illinois

April 12, 2013 Brian Earl Leave a comment

WAUKESHA, WI — Jordan Stralisky was surprised to learn during Wildcat Days that the city of Chicago is visible from the Northwestern Campus. “We drove like three hours to get from Waukesha to Northwestern, and on the tour we saw downtown Chicago from just outside Norris. I had no idea you could see Chicago from Northwest Illinois!” Stralisky said. “I have family in Dubuque, so it’ll be great to be just a short drive from the Iowa border in case

Read more Local, No. 106

Prospective Student Who Has Never Had Sex Brags about How Much Sex He’ll Have

April 11, 2013 Sam Block Leave a comment

EVANSTON — At dining halls across campus, conversations among visiting prospective students soon transitioned from ACT scores and other colleges under consideration to the inevitable pressure to demonstrate how cool they are. Research from the Flipside Institute of Statisticology suggests that only one in fifty students will remember someone next year that they met on admitted student day. Some incidents of actually recalling the other person’s name have been reported—both during Wildcat Days and months later. Facing these daunting odds,

Read more Local, No. 106

Sex Week “Seems a Little Short This Year”

April 9, 2013 Alex Finkelstein Leave a comment

“Because certain major donors left us out in the cold this year, we had to shrink to half staff. However, we know how to use the girth and resources that we have to provide Northwestern with an amazing Sex Week experience.”

Read more Local, No. 106

« Older Entries Recent Entries »