Patrick Star Takes Willard Hall, Pushes It Somewhere Else
The unusual spectacle is the result Northwestern’s decision to both renovate Willard Hall and move all Willard Residential College residents to 1835 Hinman next year.
Category Archives: Articles
Op Ed: How Can White Privilege Be Real If I Have To Wear Sunscreen?
For all the talk about white privilege, white people like me have to live with the threat of sunburn all summer long, an experience darker-skinned people just can’t understand.
iPhone Ruined as FBI Waterboards Siri
“We didn’t see the problem at the time,” The FBI announced at a press conference, holding a still-wet iPhone suspended in a bag of uncooked rice.
Area Student Suspending Campaign for Girlfriend
Many analysts had speculated Embree would end his campaign after consistently polling in the low single digits among attractive girls on campus.
Area Virgin Grabs 19 Free Condoms
Losen has reported that since he asked a girl out for coffee on Valentine’s Day, he thought it was important that he was prepared for all possibilities.
Jerry Sandusky Fired from NUPD
“This is a man who undoubtedly committed a series of heinous, heinous crimes.”
UChicago Frats Deny Racism, Point to Black Neighbors
“Yeah. We’re totes coolio with the blacks.”
Chris Christie Drops Campaign, Picks up Sandwich
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently announced that he will be dropping his presidential campaign and picking up a sandwich.
Plex Held Valentine’s Settlers of Catan Tournament
Sources report that attendance at the event exceeded expectations.
Op Ed: All I Want For Valentine’s Day Is The Title IX Complaint Dismissed
I’ve learned that even the best of mentors or the most Peruvian of hallucinogens can’t necessarily help in a situation as dire as mine. Some storms must be weathered alone.