Newt Gingrich Comes, Eats Hot Cookie Bar, Leaves
Gingrich didn’t say much, but he was seen taking a sizable scoop of soupy cookie dough from the Hot Cookie Bar, a classic favorite at Northwestern dining halls.
Category Archives: Articles
Mayor Tisdahl, Newt Gingrich Match on Tinder
According to multiple sources, Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl and former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich have matched on Tinder.
Dorm Groundbreaking Uncovers Graveyard of Student Hopes and Dreams
The contractors in charge of the building project were unaware that they were building over this graveyard, a spot where students have been burying their hopes and dreams since the Cold War.
Vic Law Suffers Torn Labia, Out for Season
Law originally injured his labia over the summer during an overly passionate routine morning workout. Ever since then the injury has been gradually worsening, due to overuse of his labia.
Morty: New Athletic Facility Matters
Sources out of Morty’s office report that he has placed the new athletic facility at the top of his list of priorities, right above talking to rich white people who have a lot of money.
Starbucks Changes Cup, ISIS Wins
Multiple reports out of Starbucks Headquarters have confirmed that as a direct result of Starbuck’s recent and controversial cup design, ISIS has won.
Stucker: Geese and the Subtler Forms of Geesism
Rhetoric on NU’s campus roils with a strong undercurrent of geesism.
Morty Frantically Invites All Minorities to Dinner Party
“It’s a completely normal thing I do every year, that I should do every year.”
Newt Gingrich to Find 17th Wife at Northwestern Event
Coming off the heels of his 16th divorce just last week, Gingrich is eager to get back in the game.
NU Updates Graduation Criteria, C’s No Longer Get Degrees
The Northwestern Graduation Office recently passed a new bylaw stating that students who receive C’s will no longer receive a Northwestern diploma.