Hey, Girl. This Whole Myanmar Thing Just Reminded Me Of You.
Did you hear ‘bout Myanmar, girl? 7.7, they said. It made me think of you, girl. Our love, it really shook things up.
Category Archives: Articles
Northwestern to Donate Her Eggs to Make Up Her Missing Funds
Northwestern discovered that she can make, on average, $10,000 per donation cycle for her eggs. That means she would only need to sell her eggs 79,000 times, which is basically nothing.
My Cat’s Thoughts On New Trump Tariffs: “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr miauuuu miau mrr”
The good and honest American people are no stranger to so-called “experts” talking down to them on TV about how to spend their money and why their grocery bills aren’t going down. “Oh, it’s because you’re spending too much on DraftKings, no it’s because America is getting screwed over by its trade partners”. Well, America, here are some thoughts on Trump’s new tariffs from the only economic expert you need, my cat Billibob (AKA: Billi, Hobo Kitty): “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr
Ask Flippy: if my professor shits himself during class, should I address it or shit harder in solidarity?
I noticed that my professor’s–excuse my French–derriere had grown exponentially in size. His butt, like an atomic bomb, absolutely mushroomed and I was wondering why.
Weinberg Student Mumbles “No More Mr. Nice Guy” While Eyeing Empty Bottle Of Antidepressants
Weinberg freshman Richard Lärgen has run out of his prescription of Lexapro, a common antidepressant, and was seen mumbling to himself in the mirror “no more Mr. Nice Guy” while attempting to brush his teeth.
Op-Ed: Sometimes You Have to Stand Up For What You Believe In and That’s Why I’m Chaining Myself to the Evanston Chili’s
Do you think I chose Northwestern for the academics, the extracurriculars, or the community? No! I chose it for the Evanston Chili’s.
Breaking: Ben Auby Attains Scheming Eunuch Status After Second Year as Flipside VP
Amidst the chaos, and amidst the accession of new president Kyra Lesmerises, the club’s real seat of power–Flipside Vice President and chief eunuch Benjamin Auby–went largely unnoticed.
Will Smith Slapped Chris Rock?????
Erm… did that just happen? I genuinely can’t believe that just happened. I’ve been watching the Oscars livestream on Internet Explorer, so it’s been buffering a little bit. It’s just really crazy that he would opt to do such a thing live on television, and on the biggest night in Hollywood no less… Millions of Americans were watching. Chris Rock could have been seriously hurt or even killed. Oh my God, we need to do something about this. How am
From a universe where nothing ever goes wrong: I have a mouth, but I don’t need to scream :)
Well golly-gee-good-morning, world! My name is John J. Johnson, and I have the best life ever!
Tostitos Announces New “Hint of Chips” Lime
“We’re always striving for better here,” explains a Tostitos representative. “Everyone’s been telling us for years that we struck gold with those chips, and we figured what people were looking for next was a lime experience really uninterrupted by the strong notes of chip that defined our previous products.”