Op-Ed: Boeing 747? More Like, More Like Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing (740 More Times)
Hear ye, hear ye, all ye faithful rest thy knees and allow me to spin ye a yarn which ye shan’t soon forget.
Category Archives: Articles
Nuclear Family Splits In Incredible Explosion
You think your parents’ divorce (your fault) was bad? Just you sit your pretty little sweet hottight ass down and wait, because while most divorces can be awfully messy, NOTHING,compares to this, because this nuclear family split in an incredible explosion. Scientists at Los Alamos National Laboratory had been studying the family of Duncan McOkinerand his now ex-wife Sinead (née Meadhbh), as well as their two children Martin and Julie, forover two years before their split in an incredible explosion
Breaking: DEA Busts “Massive TdA Ring”, Arrests 15 High Schoolers Selling Takis
La Racista Chief of Police Trump D. Sucker said of the arrests, “Yeah, it was a massive breakthrough. Massive. Got them Tren de Aruba (sic.) bastards. That’ll teach ‘em to disrupt the supply chain again.”
Op-ed: I’d be way better at scooping up red goop than that fuckass robot arm
Just the other day, during my 4th out of 6 hours of daily scrolling on twitter I mean X, I saw a troubling video I had not seen in a hot second. It was that video of that fuckass robot arm trying to scoop up a bunch of red goop and failing MISERABLY. I would do way, way better. I thought we invented robots to be good at completing tasks. Take for example, the robots you see when you’re watching
Man in Identity Crisis Bursts into Tears at “Be Your REAL Self” TSA Posters
Ance had done everything right. He was a top student, president of his frat, secret Trump voter, and LinkedIn Premium user. So where did everything go wrong? He couldn’t figure it out; all he could do was cry.
All This Catholic Bishop Stuff is Making Me Feel Like a Pawn Again
And that’s why it pains me so to see these other bishops and princes of the church milling about at the Vatican during this time, pretending that they’re deep in prayer while in reality we know that the “conclave” is really just a great fuck fantasy, acting so holier-than-thou like Bishop Lombardo once did.
Ask Flippy: Do you have the right to bear arms?
Dear Flippy, So I recently got arrested for something. Don’t ask me what. Anyways, while I was sitting in the clink, I thought, you know, now would be a great time to reread my pocket Constitution, primarily because I was bored but also because there is a very real possibility I could go to prison. Anyways, when I pulled that Constitution out of my pocket, I saw something that made me think of you, my sweet, sweet bear friend: the
Heartbreaking: Girl who posted on her Instagram story “logging off for a bit, text me if you need to talk to me” contacted by no one
But then she went on Instagram reels and was emotionally healed.
Top 5 Fruits and Veggies the Headless Horseman Tried Before Pumpkins
Before the headless horseman got his start scaring folks of all ages with his iconic jack-o-lantern head, he actually went through a—surprisingly rough—experimental phase to see what produce would work best. Here are 5 of our favorites!
From an alternate universe where Kanye West stayed sane and won the 2024 election: I really like our new national anthem, Father Stretch my Hands Pt. 1, but do I need to sing the bleached asshole part?
Like the other 150,000,000 people who voted for him, I’m happy with how Yeezy is running this country. Our economy and military have become harder, better, faster, and stronger in responding to foreign aggression. The brilliant financial strategies of the new Fed Chair Pusha T have stopped inflation and reduced the pre-existing economic conditions that created the infamous Gold Diggers. However, I can’t ignore the Pablo Bill which has given us a new national anthem–his 2016 hit song, “Father Stretch