Anime Club Director “Making Dad Proud”
Anime Club Director Edward Elric (SESP ’19) has announced he is “still making dad proud” after another tense seven minute phone call last Sunday.
Category Archives: Articles
Trump Apologizes for Mistreatment of Elizabeth Warren, Admits He Was Wrong
Trump’s speech has been widely regarded as a shining example of political decency and civility. Many are also applauding his masterful turn of phrase and elegant use of language in his speech.
Morty deems scooters “too straining” on football players, instead gives them piggy-back rides through campus
Athletic trainers and strength coaches workshopped several ideas before they arrived upon the piggy-backing.
Google Unable to Fix YouTube Without YouTube Tutorials on How To Fix YouTube
“Right about then you would look for a YouTube tutorial, but then we remembered that YouTube wasn’t working, and also that we work for YouTube.”
Pete Davidson Unfollows “Victorious” Fanpage on Instagram
At press time, the 40-year old man operating @myqueentorivega69 briefly considered getting a job before converting his fanpage to an iCarly account in hopes of regaining Davidson’s approval.
Northwestern Student Already Has Pretty Good Idea When to Schedule Fall Mental Breakdown
“It’ll fit perfectly in between these two weeks of straight midterms and the next Friday, when I have 6 papers due.”
Students Don’t Know if They Should Be More Stressed About Midterm Exams or Elections
“Young people must take time to research candidates in order to make informed decisions at the polls. But I also have a chem midterm on Wednesday and know nothing.”
Willie the Wildcat Has Pretty Good Idea Which Freshman to Invite to Furry Rave
Willie the Wildcat announced on his finsta that he has found a freshman to accompany him to his annual Furry Rave.
Bobb Students Discover “Throw-Up Holes” Actually Called Sinks
Freshmen were shocked to find out these conveniently located containers weren’t designed for their puking needs.
Freshman Theater Major Scoped Out Only Love Interest Who Can Stand Him
“If she’ll stick around for Frozen, she’ll stick around for anything. She’s a keeper.”