Morty Spills His Commencement Chili All Over Himself Before Big Speech
“I knew I should have put on my Willie the Wildcat apron before dishing out such a hearty bowl of chili.”
Category Archives: Articles
World Cup Postponed After Ball Rolls Into Old Man Jenkins’ Yard
“No way I’m going over there,” Silva told reporters. “Old Man Jenkins is scary. He kills boys that sneak into his yard and cooks them into a stew.”
“MeetMeAtNorris” Hashtag Most Commonly Used Before Drug Transactions
Students interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that that using the hash tag “MeetMeAtNorris” allows them to maximize their illegal activity during ten minute passing periods.
Vines Whale at Dillo Actually Just ETHS Student Looking to Cop Some Beer
The whale was reportedly seen going up to students, taking pictures with them, then asking, “you got some booze I can bum off you,” in the deepest voice he could muster.
Area Senior Swears this Dillo is the Dillo He Finally Gets Laid
Cornelius will have an uphill battle ahead of him—that is, in addition to losing his virginity, he also has to talk to a female for the first time.
“Lol, More Like Dildo Day, Am I Right” says Local Loser in Attempt to Pick up Chicks
Local sources have reported that area freshman Barry Danovar reportedly said “Lol, more like Dildo Day, am I right” at a local party in an attempt to pick up chicks last night.
Freshman Nonchalantly Googles “Who is Pusher Tee” Mid-Conversation
“I didn’t know what any of those words meant, but I figured I’d start with finding out who this Pusher Tee is.”
Meghan Markle to Attend Dillo to Shirk Royal Family Responsibilities
“The last time I was this stressed was when I got a terrible registration time for winter quarter of freshman year and found out the only open classes I could take were Orgo, EA, and EECS 211.”
New Dillo Stage to Feature Live Podcasting
Mayfest released a statement this week regarding the addition: “We know that not everyone wants to listen to random bands and rappers that they sort of vaguely know, so, we decided to bring in those podcasters that you’ve been meaning to listen to but just haven’t had the time lately.”
Kellogg Renovation to Include Only the Finest Silks and Draperies
A tapestry depicting the crushing of a philosophy major’s dreams under the boot of market forces has already been put up in the faculty lounge on the third floor.