Sargent dining hall, perhaps the most controversial of them all, may be making a comeback. According to a statement from the dining hall’s public relations officer, Mildred Williams, they will be adding several new dishes to the rotating menu, including “goop” and “slop”.

“We have heard your pleas,” said Williams, referring to recent protests outside of Sargent by the student group Nutrition Undergraduate Team (NUT). “In response, there will be goop and slop for all”.

Additionally, Williams announced a new community event taking place at Sarge called “Gloop Tuesday,” where anyone who comes between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. will be treated to unlimited goop and slop. Northwestern clubs are invited to table at each Gloop Tuesday, and President Chiang is expected to be in attendance to take Gloopies (Gloop selfies).

According to sources familiar with the issue, goop is organic and sourced from Chicagoland farmers. However, GMO-riddled slop will be shipped in from an undisclosed location. Officials declined to comment on what, exactly, either substance is made of.

Many students expressed cautious optimism about the changes at Sarge.

“I’ve been asking for goop on the menu since Wildcat Welcome,” sophomore Greg Thompson said. “I just didn’t know that was the word for it”.

Others questioned whether the changes are enough to right Sarge’s past wrongs. NUT President Samantha Green said her organization will continue protesting “like the French” until every NU dining hall adopts goop and slop.

“This is a good first step, but Northwestern students deserve better,” Green said. “Gloop is a right, not a privilege”.

The announcement comes amid a broader effort by Northwestern Dining to improve student satisfaction. Other proposals under consideration include extending Gloop Tuesday to Wednesdays or even Thursdays, installing a communal slop trough in Deering, and replacing Plex East entirely with a large stainless-steel vat where students can serve themselves from the “NU goop canoe”.

In the meantime, Sarge is paving the road to a brighter future for Northwestern Dining, per usual.

“We have enough goop and slop to feed the campus ‘til 2030,” Williams said. “If they want gloop, dammit, we’ll give them gloop”.