Tag Archives: Apparel

Morty Authorizes Drone Strikes On Students Wearing Other Schools’ Apparel

EVANSTON — Northwestern University President Morton Schapiro announced yesterday afternoon after his annual meeting with President Obama that he found the U.S. President’s tactics using drone strikes against American enemies extremely inspiring. “In fact,” President Schapiro said, “I am releasing an NU executive order right at this moment, and yes, per the latest ASG legislation nobody has read, I can do that, that the university administration is hereby allowed to launch drones against the enemies of the university.” The new

Student Sentiment Divided Over New College Sweatshirt Ban

EVANSTON — Northwestern students and faculty received an emergency campus alert Tuesday from President Schapiro that stated, “As of November 1, 2012, students will no longer be permitted to wear college sweatshirts or any other apparel that displays the name of any school in the top 50 of US News & World Report’s annual college rankings, excluding Northwestern.” General student sentiment indicates a clear divide between former early decision and regular decision applicants. “ZOMG, Morty is actually a god. Like, finally

Ask The Flipside – Will I Ever Get to Go Home?

Dear Northwestern Flipside, All of my friends are already home from school. Will I ever get to go home? Your number one fan, Randolph K. Hassenpfeffer Well, Randy (I’m going to call you Randy whether you like it or not), the answer is quite simple: NO. You are in fact stuck here until you graduate. There is a secret clause in the housing agreement stating that all students are forbidden from being at home for more than a month while