Tag Archives: Hitler

ZOMBIE ISSUE: Zombie Hunter Loves Meeting, Killing Celebrities

RENO, NV — Following the outbreak of a mysterious virus causing zombie-like symptoms in the infected, former bank teller Jack Manson has become one of many survivors to embrace the hot new career of “Zombie Hunter”, drawn in by the promise of action, glamour, and the increasingly likely possibility of disemboweling smug celebrities. “It’s abso-fuckin’-lutely awesome!” Manson exclaimed. “If you had told me just two months ago that I’d get to shove a shotgun into Bono’s mouth and tell him

Vending Machines Stocked In Preparation of 4/20

EVANSTON—With April 20th looming, as every year, just on the heels of April 19, vending machines across the country are being restocked and fortified against the impending onslaught of stoners who “could really go for some Ho-Hos right now.” In dorm buildings and break rooms everywhere, vending machine companies are seeking to prepare themselves for the sudden demand for their services that occurs every year on Hitler’s birthday, knowing full well that insufficient preparation could lead to disaster. It is