“First margarine and now this? I didn’t serve two years in the military, get dishonorably discharged, and move back in with my parents just for someone to confuse me with a quadruple negative!”
“I’m a college student paying over $60,000 for tuition, and $15 dollars per thing of e-juice. There should be cheaper options in the area.”
Local residents are excited about the location of Evanston’s fourth Whole Foods.
EVANSTON—Today, Evanston Whole Foods manager Mickey McGonnell announced that Whole Foods will cease operations effective immediately and will begin the transition towards becoming a retirement home. The move was made after a 3-month analysis of Evanston Whole Foods customers concluded that 90% are over the age of 65. “I mean come on, look around” McGonnell said. “This store has more canes and walkers per capita than anywhere outside of Florida. And that old-people smell was starting to contaminate our products”.