Kellogg’s Ranking Drops in The Economist, Allison Still Voted Best Dining Hall by High Times
Monthly Archives: October 2012
Area Guy Reminds People About Baseball Playoffs, Exorcised
LANSING, MI – In a month where NFL games, college football, and preseason basketball compete for the attention of autumn sports fans, area Guy Steve Parkson has reminded anyone who will listen to him that “baseball is still going on, guys.” “Dudes,” said Parkson, checking MLB scores on his smartphone as his Guy buddies drank beer at a local bar, whose TVs were showing Sports That Were Not Baseball, “the Cardinals just pulled ahead of the Nationals…it looks like they’re
World Strangely Disappointed by Felix Baumgartner’s Safe Landing
INNER CONSCIOUS, SOMEWHERE NEXT TO THE STOMACH — When Austrian Professional Skydiver Felix Baumgartner jumped off the helium balloon in an attempt to break several world records, the entire world watched carefully in a state of mixed emotions. For many, it was an experience that lead to the discovery of their own sick, terrifying minds. When Brad, a thoroughly average human being, first came across the link on Facebook he first thought, “Oh well, just another Red Bull publicity scheme,
Area Man Changes Profile Picture, Cover Photo; Old Friends Remember He Exists
NU Nights Receives Very Little Exposure; Students Say They’d Rather “Do Anything Else”
Freshman Sluts Complain that the “Virgin Vault” is Hindering Their Potential
Lisa’s Café Falls to Savagery Minutes Before Equivalency Points Renew
EVANSTON – On Saturday evening, excitement turned to panic as students realized that their unused equivalency points for the week simply would disappear at midnight. Fueled by the promise of “free” food, the “Weekly 14” students quickly began to funnel into Lisa’s CafĂ©. “I was in a state of shock more than anything. Seeing that wall of items ranging from chocolate Teddy Grahams to diet lemonade powder felt like seeing 40 of your children drowning, and only being able to
Freshman Girl Questions Gender Due to Women’s Room’s Urinals
UChicago Eliminates Swim Test, As If Their Campus Wasn’t Dry Enough Already
Allison Changes Lunch Availability from 12:17-3:01 to 12:21 to 3:07 and Âľ, to Make Things Easier to Remember