Waffle House CEO Wants Her Smothered and Covered Like His Waffle House Hash Browns
Monthly Archives: November 2012
Big Ten Looks to be Even Shittier with Addition of Rutgers, Maryland
PARK RIDGE, IL — Over the past several weeks, the Big Ten conference conducted talks with perennial bottom dwellers Rutgers University and the University of Maryland about adding them to the conference and making a 14-team league. This week, negotiations have concluded, and both Maryland and Rutgers will be joining the conference by 2014. “Big Ten football teams did a great job of fucking up this year by losing to almost every non-conference opponent we played, but it’s not enough,”
Evanston Burger King Serves First Sober Student in 20 Years
Mitt Romney Buys and Bankrupts Hostess, Just to Spite Ohio
CLEVELAND, OH — Trans-fat gourmands everywhere mourned the loss of the Hostess Corporation on Friday when the company announced it was closing its factory doors for good. Many middle Americans, including all of the remaining Republicans in Ohio, took a break mid ho-ho bite to blame Barack and Michelle Obama for the confectionary catastrophe. “This is just another example of how Obama is bad for America,” Warren Couty resident Tammy Smith told the Flipside, brushing some cinnamon sugar off her
People at People Have Never Seen Ryan Gosling
What Will We Find at the Bottom of the Fiscal Cliff?
Freshman Girl Walking Home from Party “Just, Like, Super Cold”
The Flipside’s Best Ways to Accomodate Puerto Rican Star on the U.S. Flag
SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO — Puerto Rico’s majority vote for statehood this past Tuesday raised perhaps the most unsettling question of the entire campaign season. For more than fifty years, the U.S. flag has represented an achievement in both symbolism and geometry, and in that light, a 51st star could be as controversial as Obamacare. We propose here the most viable solutions to this potential configurational cataclysm: 1. Combine the Dakotas, population now about the same as New Hampshire. 2.
Bobb CA Fired for Not Giving Alcohol to Residents
Jeremy Renner Selected to be the New “Daniel Craig”
HOLLYWOOD, CA –- Representatives from EON Productions announced today that following the release of the critically-acclaimed new blockbuster Skyfall, Oscar-nominated actor Jeremy Renner has been selected to take up the mantle of playing one of cinema’s most enduring characters, Daniel Craig. Longtime “Craig” producer Barbara Broccoli personally announced the casting decision, stating that Renner had been selected from a highly competitive pool of potential Craigs, and that she had carefully monitored his career trajectory since Renner came to her attention