To My Teachers: Maybe Itās Good That Iām Not Using My Full Potential
Maybe Iām the only thing that stands between the world and the madness that is me.
Iām On The Deanās List, Little Does He Know Heās On Mine Too
Iām going to get that son of a bitch.
Fall Quarter In Review: I Could Die On This Campus And Nothing Would Change
What a quarter this has been. From late nights ripping my hair out behind a bookshelf in Core, to late nights ripping my hair out in the corner of the quiet section in Mudd, I truly feel like Iāve reached the limit of what Iām going to accomplish at Northwestern. This has all brought me to one conclusion: I could die and nothing on this campus would change. If I got rolled over by a steam roller, Iād just be
Ask Flippy: Why did AJ and Big Justice Give Five Big Booms to that Car?
Backstabber. Et tu, AJ and Big Justice?
Never Fucking Leaving: Trudeau Actually Planning to “Put on a Little Makeup” and Re-run for Prime Minister Disguised as Black Politician
Immediately following Trudeauās resignation as Canadaās Prime Minister, he was spotted stalking up on shades of foundation and concealer that a panicked Sephora representative said ātotally did not match his skin tone.ā
Trump Appoints Young Sheldon as Head of Homeland Security
Since November 5th, the president-elect has made several controversial picks for top positions, including Elon Musk heading the so-called āDepartment of Government Efficiencyā (DOGE). However, even many in Trumpās inner circle have objected to his latest and boldest choice: a literal fourteen-year-old child as Secretary of Homeland Security. Sheldon Lee Cooper, of Medford, Texas, turned down a Ph.D. in physics at Caltech to join the incoming administration, saying that āthe decision was a no-brainer after Meemaw took me to visit
Op-Ed: I think we should bring back the guillotine
Wood frame, metal blade, disgruntled French hangman. Back in the days of the French Revolution, these were the three things you needed to kill someone, all compiled into one machine: the guillotine. But the extinction of the guillotine isnāt just about the advancement of weaponry; it is clearly indicative of a more serious problem in society: people these days donāt support blue-collar jobs, and so we need to bring back the guillotine. In the time of the guillotine, killing someone
The Things I’d Do to Get a Tunnel Under This Schoolļæ¼
While the snow, accelerated by the wind, stabbed me over and over again in the eyes this week, I realized one thing: Northwestern needs a tunnel.
Top 5 AP Classes the Liberal Education System Will Inseminate You With
Ron DeSantis plans to order the Florida National Guard to send everyone who receives a 5 to his personal gulag.
“Am I Gay,” “Am I Autistic,” And Other Quizzes You Know the Answer to Before You Take Themļæ¼
Thereās no shame in being curious. Itās okay to need the internet to affirm that you enjoyed kissing your best friend āas an epic prank.ā Chances are, you use random strangers or factually unfounded quizzes to answer some other questions. For example, maybe youāre not sure if an unhealthy obsession with dino nuggets and Victorian children makes you autistic. Perhaps it does. Best to check