Deaf Football Player Drastically Misunderstands Signing Day
Slopestyle Course Cited with Safety Concerns
Critics pointed to multiple rings of fire, swinging buzz-saws, and jumps over pits of hungry piranhas as proof that some elements of the course were marginally too dangerous.
Americans Smugly Note US Still Better Than Russia
“It’s just amazing that the Russians still can’t get the easy things right,” said Jim Kelley, a Denver Broncos fan who spent three hours stuck in Secaucus Junction following the conclusion of the Super Bowl.
Mother Earth and Father Winter Charged with Child Abuse
Opinion: Don’t Deport Justin Bieber, Canada Still Has Hope
Keep the issue contained and save the Canadian youth. It’s too late for our own.
Rowling Pens Final Installment: Harry Potter and the Custody Feud
And you thought “all was well” meant happily ever after.
Type 2 Diabetes Traced Back to Neanderthals, Herpes Still Totally Our Bad
A Modest Proposal (for the Heating of the Evanston Area)
Guest columnist Jonathan Swift proposes a simple and effective solution to Chicago winters: student bonfires.
Dorm Exec Member Way Too into Being Dorm Exec Member
Flipside Previews the Sochi Opening Ceremony
The Flipside presents a list of what to expect from the ceremony, brought to you by a reporter who managed to get an illegal live stream of the ceremony.