NU Nights Receives Very Little Exposure; Students Say They’d Rather “Do Anything Else”
Freshman Sluts Complain that the “Virgin Vault” is Hindering Their Potential
Lisa’s Café Falls to Savagery Minutes Before Equivalency Points Renew
EVANSTON – On Saturday evening, excitement turned to panic as students realized that their unused equivalency points for the week simply would disappear at midnight. Fueled by the promise of “free” food, the “Weekly 14” students quickly began to funnel into Lisa’s CafĂ©. “I was in a state of shock more than anything. Seeing that wall of items ranging from chocolate Teddy Grahams to diet lemonade powder felt like seeing 40 of your children drowning, and only being able to
Freshman Girl Questions Gender Due to Women’s Room’s Urinals
UChicago Eliminates Swim Test, As If Their Campus Wasn’t Dry Enough Already
Allison Changes Lunch Availability from 12:17-3:01 to 12:21 to 3:07 and Âľ, to Make Things Easier to Remember
NU Chemistry Department Loses Accreditation for Serving Ethanol to Minors
EVANSTON – Following NU Student Affairs’s decision to disassociate with Chabad House due to clashes over university alcohol policy, Northwestern’s Chemistry department has been stripped of accreditation following reports that ethanol was served to minors during a recent lab. Department chair Elizabeth Locke protested the decision, claiming that providing disciples with ethanol has been a “central tenet” of chemistry for centuries. Although Locke does not deny the charges levied against her department, she has attempted to assure administrators and parents
Biden Shows Up For Debate in Green Tie, Chaos Ensues
Freshman Doesn’t Write Down Professor’s Every Word
Dining Hall Nutritional Labels Make Dieting Easy
EVANSTON – Calorie-counting is difficult with foods that don’t come with nutritional labels. Fortunately, NU Cuisine makes the calorie information available to all Northwestern students, like WCAS freshman Ashley Eaton. She is determined to take full advantage of those labels to not only avoid gaining the freshman 15, but to lose it instead. “I’ve always wanted to lose the extra pounds and be the person I want to be in college,” Ashley explained. “And with all the healthy, low-calorie options