Leader of the Free World Reduced to Having Opinion on Kanye West
China at 60: Found Yelling at Tibet to âGet off my Lawnâ
Former Senator Larry Craig, Inspired by Tom DeLay, Reveals Passion for Tap Dancing
BOISE, IDâFormer Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, publicly confessed his âgreat loveâ for âthe glorious art of tap-danceâ on a press conference Tuesday. He started his press conference with a string of praise for former Rep. Tom DeLay, R-Texas, whose recent performances on ABCâs âDancing with the Starsâ has triggered a dancing boom among the echelons of former Republican politicians. âA star is born,â squealed the former senator, discussing DeLayâs performance Monday night. âI knew that under his âhammerâ persona, there
Fantasy Owner Drops Adrian Peterson Following âUnacceptableâ Week 3 Performanc
CHICAGOâJack Randall, the owner of the fantasy football team named âYou PLAY to WIN the Game,â dropped Minnesota Vikings RB Adrian Peterson following his nine-point performance against the 49ers last Sunday. Although Peterson leads all running backs in fantasy scoring this season, Randall said the decision was obvious given Petersonâs âunacceptableâ performance on Sunday. However, according to Randall, the statistical performance was only half the reason he dropped him. âYeah I was extremely disappointed by Adrianâs 85 yards rushing with
Tyler Perry Makes Movie About Black People
HOLLYWOODâLionsgate Entertainment announced Tuesday that filmmaker Tyler Perry has plans to create a picture about African-Americans. The movie is to be released in theaters on October 23rd, but most critics are surprised that it managed to break free of the “straight-to-DVD” branding of most “stupid” movies. “This is a huge step forward in filmmaking,” said Cornelius Jones, a Lionsgate executive. “Never before has there been a film geared mostly towards an ethnic audience about a single ethnic group. [Perry] is
Kanye West Interrupts President’s Convocation Address
EVANSTONâNorthwestern President Morton Schapiro’s convocation address to incoming freshmen was rudely interrupted when Kanye West barged onto the stage and interrupted the speech. The well-known rapper grabbed the microphone from Schapiro’s grip and spoke to the shocked group of freshmen. “I’ve seen crazy things before, but nothing quite like this,” commented freshman John Rennault, “Who would believe that someone as fly as Morton Schapiro would be interrupted in the middle of an address?” After grabbing the mic, West did not
Ask The Flipside – Hangout Places
Dear The Northwestern Flipside, Iâm a freshman, where are the best places to hang out on campus? Sincerely, Mitch Skillman Dear Mitch, Iâm glad you asked, as there are a lot of really cool places where really cool people hang out and do really cool stuff. For instance, there is a popular vampire-themed dance club in the 28th sub-basement of Tech. Donât worry, it has nothing to do with Twilight, many engineers simply find that long hours in Tech tend
PMA Found Stockpiling Estrogen Pills
EVANSTONâPhi Mu Alpha, Northwestern Universityâs premier fraternity, has recently decided to invest the majority of its funds on estrogen pills in order to attempt to fit in with their neighboring sorority sisters. Located at 626 Emerson Street, the house is situated in the middle of sorority row. Recently, the musical brothers discovered that their neighbors are, in fact, female. As a result of this shocking find, many of PMAâs residents have become overwhelmingly self-conscious and distraught because of their distinct
Band of Lost Boys Discovered in Tech Basement
EVANSTONâWhen freshman Conrad Stevens went to his first lab in Tech on Wednesday, he ended up stumbling upon a colony of students living in the halls. âIâd just passed L22 for the fifth goddamn time,â Stevens recounts, âwhen I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I could have sworn I heard whispers.â Upon investigation, Stevens realized he had found a small village lining the halls of the A wing basement. âThey were all wearing long-sleeved shirts,