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Author Archives: Andrew Schneider
Freshman Wears Suit to DM: “It’s Always Better to Be Overdressed Than Underdressed”
The Flipside Would Like to Apologize
For the first time in its storied existence, The Onion has issued an apology for its content. Many were outraged when “America’s Finest News Source” targeted 9-year-old Best Actress nominee Quvenzhané Wallis with a tasteless expletive, forcing Onion, Inc. CEO Steve Hannah to post a contrite note of regret on his site’s front page. After thorough discussion amongst The Flipside’s executive board and preferred astrologists, we have come to the decision that it is in our best interests for The
Budget-Conscious Sequestrian Club Forced to Put Down Their Horses
LAPD Opens Fire on Pot Roast Mistaken for Chris Dorner’s Charred Corpse
LOS ANGELES, CA — Following a sprawling, state-wide search for former policeman and army reservist Christopher Dorner (in which the alleged killer is believed to have perished in a cabin fire) anxious LAPD officers opened fire on a pot roast in a butcher’s display window that officers mistook for the former suspect. Despite firing over 50 shells at the pre-cooked beef dish, officers did not manage to hit their target once, instead injuring 10 customers deeper within the shop. Thankfully,
Sherman Ave Contributor Nearly Misses Deadline; Can’t Stop Laughing at Own Dick Joke
[Nostalgia Issue] Student Incapable of Feeling Nostalgic For Memories, Only Pop Culture References
EVANSTON — Struck by a sudden fit of nostalgia while walking to class, Northwestern biology major Keith Catania fondly reminisced about his childhood infatuation with PokĂ©mon Red, Beanie Babies, and The Land Before Time. Reports indicate that not even a single one of Catania’s wistful smiles was in remembrance of a shared human experience over the course of 21 years of life. “God I miss the 90s sooooo much!” Catania posted to Facebook upon arriving at class. The junior then opened an emulator
[The Flipside Guide to the 2013 Oscars] Amour, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Other Highlights
With Oscar season in full swing, The Flipside is proud to present a summary of 2012’s most acclaimed films. By this point we were pretty exhausted writing review after review after review after review so please excuse our brevity and our tendency to make shit up. Do they really need to nominate this many movies in a year? I mean, we all know which ones won’t win. Peruse our reviews of the other nominees: *Argo and Django Unchained *Zero Dark
NRA Lobbyist Forced to Undergo Background Check Before Purchasing Congressman
WASHINGTON –- NRA lobbyist Jack O’Neal fumed yesterday upon learning that he would be forced to undergo an extensive background check and 5-day waiting period before purchasing a new Congressman. O’Neal, an avid collector of US representatives, claims to have purchased eight senators in the past, and proudly boasts that not a single one has been registered with the proper authorities. “I fuckin’ knew it!” O’Neal reportedly ranted to anyone in earshot. “I knew Obama was comin’ for my senators!
[The Flipside Guide to the 2013 Oscars] Zero Dark Thirty & Les Mis
With Oscar season in full swing, The Flipside is proud to present a summary of 2012’s most acclaimed films. While we aren’t making any award predictions just yet, we will be happy to take your money and place a bet for you. Peruse our reviews of the other nominees: *Argo and Django Unchained *Silver Linings Playbook and Life of Pi *Lincoln: Thoughts from a Northerner, a Southerner, and a Man Who Misheard the Title of the Film as LinkedIn *Amour,