Author Archives: Diego Guerrero

From the Archives (1355): My Lord Spoke to Thy Lord and he Said we Need to Hookup to Save Our Two Kingdoms 

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My Lord, the most gentle Prince of all the realm, spaketh to thy Lord and, upon hearing his reply, made note that we are instructed to hookup in order to save our Kingdoms from the heathen invaders.  Thy Lord’s message was most clear, our two shires may be separated by many a mile and rivers flowing, and may be bitter foes of ancient times, but we must put aside our respective differences to unite our forces and beat back the

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 418, Year 18

Ask Flippy: Cargo Pants Beep Beep, Traingo Pants Choo Choo, Boatgo Pants Though? 

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Dearest Flippy,  It was clear since I got my first pair of cargo pants that cargo beep beep–possibly even vroom vroom, depending on the engine. Traingo pants, naturally, go choo choo. It should be noted, however, that choo choo is only a part of the traingo pants. Traingo pants also chugga chugga, which often precedes the aforementioned choo choo.  Boatpants, however, remain a trickier quandary to wrestle with. Boat does not go vroom or choo. Although I should note the

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 414, Year 18

Flippy’s Guide to Safe Drinking at the Train Convention 

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Listen up, Wildcats: after my experiences at Dillo Day, I know that if this campus is known for one thing and one thing only, it’s tolerance. But if it’s known for two things, the second is finding an excuse to day drink, and as a bear who must answer letters from y’all, I’m a bit experienced when it comes to whistling my blues into a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, Local, No. 412, Year 18

Nuclear Family Splits In Incredible Explosion

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You think your parents’ divorce (your fault) was bad? Just you sit your pretty little sweet hottight ass down and wait, because while most divorces can be awfully messy, NOTHING,compares to this, because this nuclear family split in an incredible explosion. Scientists at Los Alamos National Laboratory had been studying the family of Duncan McOkinerand his now ex-wife Sinead (née Meadhbh), as well as their two children Martin and Julie, forover two years before their split in an incredible explosion

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 410, Year 18

All This Catholic Bishop Stuff is Making Me Feel Like a Pawn Again

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And that’s why it pains me so to see these other bishops and princes of the church milling about at the Vatican during this time, pretending that they’re deep in prayer while in reality we know that the “conclave” is really just a great fuck fantasy, acting so holier-than-thou like Bishop Lombardo once did.

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 409, Religion
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