Scheming Eunuch Ben Auby Has NOTHING To Do With Ominous Fog Descending Over EvanstonÂ
I mean, come on, it says “Scheming Eunuch, weather sorcerer” on his driver’s license.
Author Archives: Diego Guerrero
Op-Ed: Boeing 747? More Like, More Like Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing (740 More Times)
Hear ye, hear ye, all ye faithful rest thy knees and allow me to spin ye a yarn which ye shan’t soon forget.
Nuclear Family Splits In Incredible Explosion
You think your parents’ divorce (your fault) was bad? Just you sit your pretty little sweet hottight ass down and wait, because while most divorces can be awfully messy, NOTHING,compares to this, because this nuclear family split in an incredible explosion. Scientists at Los Alamos National Laboratory had been studying the family of Duncan McOkinerand his now ex-wife Sinead (née Meadhbh), as well as their two children Martin and Julie, forover two years before their split in an incredible explosion
If My Dad Saw That Frisbee Game, He Would’ve Hugged Me And It Would’ve Fixed Me
As you, my dear readers, would know, for those performances my father would’ve shown me ye ol’ belt. However, for that last frisbee game, he would’ve hugged me and that would’ve fixed me.
All This Catholic Bishop Stuff is Making Me Feel Like a Pawn Again
And that’s why it pains me so to see these other bishops and princes of the church milling about at the Vatican during this time, pretending that they’re deep in prayer while in reality we know that the “conclave” is really just a great fuck fantasy, acting so holier-than-thou like Bishop Lombardo once did.
If My Dad Saw That Frisbee Game He Would’ve Beat Me, And I Deserved It Oh Yeah I’ve Been A Bad Boy
In all my four weeks of hardcore, intensive, extensive, rough-and-rowdy intramural frisbee, I’ve never seen a game like the one we put on last week. Now, yes, I know that this team isn’t exactly the 2012 San Francisco Giants, but goddammit that performance we put on could make an angel want to jump of a bridge.
From the Archives: From the Future: From the Archives: From the Future: Local Man Stuck in Time Loop
For example, eyewitnesses to the events at the police station have corroborated his testimony that several police officers woulddid indeed pull their service weapons when, as Oxlong predicted, after he threatened to blow up the building.
My Cat’s Thoughts On New Trump Tariffs: “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr miauuuu miau mrr”Â
The good and honest American people are no stranger to so-called “experts” talking down to them on TV about how to spend their money and why their grocery bills aren’t going down. “Oh, it’s because you’re spending too much on DraftKings, no it’s because America is getting screwed over by its trade partners”. Well, America, here are some thoughts on Trump’s new tariffs from the only economic expert you need, my cat Billibob (AKA: Billi, Hobo Kitty): “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr
I Thought My “Severing” Procedure Would Help With My Work/Life Balance, Instead They Just Cut My Balls Off!
Now I admit, I was a little off-put when I saw the large number of cats and dogs in the waiting room, but I figured he was just an animal lover, not that he was about to divorce my thing-1-and-thing-2 from the rest of my body with the same clinical precision of a Civil War amputation doctor.
Weinberg Student Mumbles “No More Mr. Nice Guy” While Eyeing Empty Bottle Of AntidepressantsÂ
Weinberg freshman Richard Lärgen has run out of his prescription of Lexapro, a common antidepressant, and was seen mumbling to himself in the mirror “no more Mr. Nice Guy” while attempting to brush his teeth.Â