Author Archives: Nick Zessis

Bailey: “I was on a drug, it’s called J. Michael Bailey”

EVANSTON – Controversial NU psychology professor J. Michael Bailey was under attack again today for his approval of a live sex demonstration at an after class event. Critics in and out of the psychology world say Bailey crossed an ethical line, one that should result in punishment for him and Northwestern University. “I was on a drug,” Bailey told Flipside investigators, “it’s called J. Michael Bailey. It’s not available because if you try it once, you’ll have an orgasm three

Coat Strategically Placed at Party for Quick, Drunk Exit

EVANSTON – Jessica Stamford, a student first and partier second, has found ways to become more efficient and economical with her weekly drinking binges. The pre-med sophomore has developed a foolproof plan to get drunk quickly and go to sleep early enough that she can get a head start on Organic Chemistry the next morning. “Being a pre-med, I’ve got some tough classes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get my party on every Friday and Saturday night for thirty

“Don’t Worry, Cubs Will Win Super Bowl Someday,” Reports Area Girlfriend

CHICAGO—While watching the popular Fox show Glee, Abbey Ladder misinterpreted her boyfriend’s apparent disgust for the show. “I know it’s got a lot of singing in it, but it’s really not as gay as you say it is,” Abbey protested to Gary Bender, her boyfriend of one year. It was not the show that was bothering him, but one of the promotions for postseason baseball. “Not seeing the Cubs in the World Series always instills an unwavering anger in me.

Cubs, Ricketts Turn Ushers into Billboards

CHICAGO—Cubs owner Tom Ricketts told the Chicago Tribune that he’s found a new way to bring in revenue to the second highest payroll in Major League Baseball. Instead of fighting for ad space in and around historic Wrigley Field, Ricketts says he can help lessen the effect of declining attendance through walking billboards. “The ushers have always been a part of the unique ‘Friendly Confines’ experience,” a spokesman for the Ricketts family told The Flipside. “Now, they’ll play an even

Dillo Day Issue: Ugh, Regina, Shut the Fuck Up Already

Oh shit! This is really shitty music man. How long have I been out here? It’s only 1:34? Man, she’s been singing with that piano for the longest damn time. This music sucks! She’s hot though, so it’s ok. Wait, no, I think I’m starting to lose my buzz. She’s not as attractive now. I’m not as attractive now. Shit. Shit. Shit. Run back to the house, ok, jungle juice…no. Bud light…no. Ah, here it its, Smirnoff [gulp] ahhhhh no

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