Author Archives: Nick Zessis
The Flipside Recieves $100 to Further Unknown Publication
EVANSTON—The Northwestern Associated Student Government and Student Groups Committee gave the widely unknown Northwestern Flipside a whopping $100 to assist in the printing of its satirical publication. Despite applying for the money guaranteed to them as a T-status group in May of 2009, the now pending B-status group has largely been ignored until now. “It’s not that we needed the money for anything important,” Nick Zessis, the President and founder of The Flipside, told The Flipside. “I mean, we weren’t
UChicago Sends Rejected Applicants “Congratulation” Letters
CHICAGO—Often found fantasizing about what life would be like if he got into his college of choice, Stanford University, area high school senior Sam Nix was pleasantly surprised when he visited his mailbox Tuesday afternoon. It did not contain a letter from the private school in Palo Alto, CA, but a big packet was waiting from the University of Chicago. Largely unknown to commoners, this university is credited to starting nuclear warfare (and is subsequently blamed for the failure of
Breaking News: Carmen Sandiego Found
Area Man Just Lost The Game
Serial Killer Suggests Tide Over Downy for Blood Stains
Serial Killer Suggests Tide Over Downy for Blood Stains
Despite Troubles, Tiger Receives New Endorsement
CHICAGO—Image-conscious afternoon television host Jerry Springer formally announced Saturday that he has signed golf superstar Tiger Woods to a four-year, $25 million endorsement deal, ensuring that The Jerry Springer Show will have the backing of Woods’ now-considerable white-trash marketing power for the foreseeable future. “Let’s face it, Tiger is now the most marketable and well-liked athlete for my audience,” Springer said. “He’s someone who exhibits many of the lowlife qualities our show presents on a daily basis. It’s an honor