Burger King To Be Open 25 Hours On 4/20
“After this 4/20, Burger King will become Burger Emperor.”
Author Archives: Rebecca Siems
ETHS Soccer Moms Disappointed To Learn The Facebook Group They Joined Is Actually A Northwestern “Me-me” Page
“The woman I thought was Danica, the bitch who brought GMO orange slices to practice last week, revealed herself to actually be some guy from Northwestern.”
Elizabeth Warren “Yeets” Onto Your Instagram Feed
Twenty-something social media influencer and cryptic concept filmmaker Brynlee Hodges was truly inspired by Warren’s yeet.
Study: Canada Goose Coat Ineffective Against The Cold Within
A case study on McCormick sophomore, Bobby Majewski, revealed shocking results: Canada Goose coats may warm the body, but they are no match for the cold within his soul.
Smokey The Bear Can’t Believe This Was The Week He Went On Vacation
“I just wanted one week. ONE GODDAMN WEEK OF MAGIC IN THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH.”