Author Archives: Tom Shimandle
EVANSTON – Resident sexual deviance advocate J. Michael Bailey was very proud of the student body for touching itself all last week. “Really, I am just so proud that the students of Northwestern could focus a week of their school year on something that I have held so close to my heart for my entire life. It’s a wonder to hear about the young people learning and trying new things, like experimenting with flavored lubricants, studded collars and low-voltage tasers.”
“The only logical conclusion is that this woman is a member of a domestically based terrorist cell”
Microsoft reps: “We were still recovering from Snow Leopard. That fucker has really messed up our customer base in Siberia.”
Let’s not forget which race nearly elected a crazy masturbating witch and continues to pay attention to the Jersey Shore.